In Dark Star monthly horoscope you could read for the first week of September:

Sept.2 quarter Moon

Quite a harsh start to September with a Quarter Moon on Antares. Fixed star Antares is the great anti-hero, is situated in the heart of the scorpion and loves to play devils advocate and the baddy. Antares’s main problem seems to be that it is so driven by high drama, sensation and extremes that it may find it hard be sensitive to life’s subtleties. However if this brave, fearless spirit is channelled in the right way, then this energy can help move mountains.

What this text has to do with taxes? Let me explain.

There are a lot of problems with taxes for the years 2007 – 2011 due to several severe mishaps by Municipality, accountants and Tax Office employees.


August 28th, I got a phone call from another Tax Office member, a new person on the list of many before, who told me, that he had found the solution to all my problems. He explained himself and despite some nagging voice in the background of my being, I wanted to believe the man. The next morning I had an email from the same person, that his solution was accepted as THE ONE! super_hero


Happy me, immediately send it to accountant and other offices involved. Had a great day and I send the man an email with the words:
‘Without exaggeration, you lifted mountains from my shoulders with your email.’
Today, Tuesday 2nd, he called at 8:30 o’ clock to tell me, that he had bad news. He reacted to quick  by sending Friday’s mail about the final solution, he had made some thinking errors and therefore, with all apology’s, my solution is not workable. Now we have to wait for September 30, when there is a big meeting at the Ministry of Finance about all the cases with similar difficulties.

So you see that the hero turned into the anti-hero and this anti-hero will not move mountains – he was working in the negative – to quick in his drive to have ‘ The Solution of all Solutions ‘ that he missed the subtleties of the case.


Now let’s hope that September 30 brings around

…change, novelty and new inventions. Look out for visionaries and inventors who will make impossible dreams come true.

as the September scope promise for the last week of the month.


This morning, I woke up with the thought, that my fear of heights is not over. Fear of heights means, that you are afraid of coming down to earth. Nowadays, I only feel it when I look at pictures taken from heights and someone is doing something risky like bungee jumping, parachute diving or something alike. I feel it as stabbing pain in my belly. In younger years I was not able to look down from heights.

I once visited a mill and we climbed a long stairway up to the door to go inside. No problem – but when seen the mill I was not able to step down the stairs. An elderly couple assist me by taking my hands. Being finally on the ground, I had to sit down until the shaking was over. So far the fear of heights.

fear of heights
Coming to the computer, I surfed to Darkstar astrology and found her recent article about the upcoming supermoon.http://darkstarastrology.com/full-moon-september-2014/

What spoke to me was:

The Full Moon conjunct Chiron will certainly bring up some old childhood wounds up for healing as the moon is so darn sensitive and is associated with mothering and memory.

When looking up the Inside degree for 16º Pisces it’s about that little child sitting high up in the sky not daring to come around.

A peaceful child on a narrow ledge that overlooks a precipice.
Fate has set the pattern. You are held fast by fate. Yet inwardly you are so deeply and fundamentally free that you are actually submitting to your fate from a true and pure place. The situation you pull in is outwardly severe. You are a vast being trapped in a tiny form, and you cannot really go anywhere or do anything to change this. Instead you are released by your outward bondage to dream, to remember, to envision, and to make cosmic connections. The inner life is boundless rich. The outer life is starkly poor. But you live within, make good on the past, cleanse and open and know that nothing is as it seems and form is tissue thin.

Another sentence within this Inside Degree also rings a bell loud and clearly:

You are a vast being trapped in a tiny form, and you cannot really go anywhere or do anything to change this.

Another inner soul fact – that it was impossible to flee after being born. No backdoor except by committing suicide – no option in this life, me always knowing the made promises before being born.

Divine providence since I woke up this morning….



The high-vibration integration of the Virgo/Pisces polarity looks like being fully embodied and connected with the Earth (Virgo) while also hooked up with our infinite Source selves (Pisces)…. The Virgo New Moon calls for spiritual discernment and seeing through the illusions that keep us powerless so we can reclaim our sovereignty.
Emily Trinkaus

When I look the new moon up with the inside-degrees I get the following for the moon:

A man hanging upside down from a tree.
Out of phase with the personal ego-mind, in phase with the greater laws, you are absolutely forced to stay put, to sit tight, to watch and listen and say and do as little as possible. A fair witness to what is happening all around, with no personal vantage point. Being a truth vessel–perfectly designed to hold the truth and nothing but. Uncomprehending of perversity and corruption, and naive to all radical distortion, but you are surpassingly aware of what is good and what is true and of the ways in which the greater laws are being played out in this world. Gifted in observing and appreciating how the Divine Will prevails, how the light penetrates the darkness. Simply there to be with the constructive and the upbuilding energies and forces. The pure idealist in the perfect position to be strictly transparent.

“If we surrendered
to earth’s intelligence
we could rise up rooted, like trees.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

In energy we look like a tree upside down – our feet (roots) in heaven and the head on earth. This is incarnation and the task we have here on Earth. The more you get to know yourself the stronger the rooting and the tree. Living not by your worldly desires but by what your heart and divine will is telling you.


Seeing the Inside degree for the Mars-Saturn conjunction:

einsiedler_bene_vixit_qui_lat_hiSCORPIO 17
The mountain abode of a hermit.
A stronghold for secrets, hidden purposes, and inward streams to thrive and prevail. You live several lives in one, harboring the brightest, the darkest, the strangest, and the most wondrous worlds. Accustomed to the shadows and to meditation, prayer, and extraordinary discipline. Remaining in here forever. Absolutely uninvolved with surface affairs, no outer life whatsoever. But inwardly deep, intense, and overwhelmingly driven. Following through on ancient vows. A grim, heavy, somber tone. The capacity for root transformation and extraordinary realization. Your central focus is to be with God in the silence steadfastly, and there is nothing else that comes even close to feeling all the way through, on and true.

it is perfectly clear, that staying the hermit up up in the sky is not the meaning of our incarnation. The hermit, in this context I see it as spirit, is supposed to come down the hill into the vessel of the body. The perfect state of being.

As Emily Trinkaus write:

…our ancestors knew that heaven is right here on Earth, that our bodies are sacred vessels for spirit, that all matter is inherently infused with the divine. Neptune in Pisces (2011-2025) wants to dissolve the moldy old Piscean-Age paradigm that says god and heaven are somewhere way out there and your body is sinful and dirty.

Had to think about a dream I once had:


Got the key for a brand-new mobile snack bar and we had a party to celebrate. There was a puppet hanging on the wall, upside down, and I repeatedly tried to turn it around but my Grandmother told me to stop  because this was going to happen much later.


When seeing the upside down tree in people during healings and remembering that in shaman tradition this is also known, I understood my dream.

I remembered the dream when reading the inside degree of 2 Virgo and it got new meaning with this New Moon.


When we die, the tree is turned around….

Therefore, the possibility to bury your ashes and plant a tree on the spot, is a good one. Needless to say that I prefer my ashes scattered into the ocean – returning to the eternal waters. By doing so, I probably will reach some tree as rain.


During the past weeks the following creation has been made. It is one of the branches the very old tree standing in front of the old City Hall of Hoofddorp threw my way.

inner boy

innerlijk jongetje8


despite paving and buildings

despite of people eager fighting

each and every leaf daring to come out on their ground

despite pesticides


find her way in miraculous ways

and places


Life can surprise you in many wonderful ways and mirrors are everywhere. The past days I had those co-incidents. While I was preparing for my coaching session on July 1st, my 7th grandchild was born.

Premature, 2 months early, he is taken care of in intensive care nursery within Neonatology. So while my inner boy (soul) came to front, the outside mirror was delivered too.  

In shamanism, soul is to be found in the inner child of the opposite gender, so for a woman it’s the inner boy and for a man it’s the inner girl – keep in mind.



Today, because of 3 tweets by mysticmama.com concerning  Robert Wilkinson’s article about transpluto , I went searching for more. Found profound knowledge, not only about the Transpluto. Here you find Lynn Koiner’s info about transpluto . Because it is a very important issue, I asked Mrs. Koiner about my transpluto and got the answer that it is at 7 Leo 21 R. No further info for the personal level. So I used the inside degrees and looked up 7 Leo to find the following:

A very weak cup of tea.
The outward performance is thin and tenuous, not much there at all. The inner journey is huge. You are concentrating so utterly upon the cosmic mysteries that all personal and even individual reputation and reflection seem pathetically small and insignificant. You are being zapped by huge forces, taken on the cosmic grand tour. As the deep inner opens, the surface outer becomes formal and almost wooden. You are called away. Rarely present in a human context. It all depends upon how far you are willing and able to go with this. If you blast free into an expanded selfhood activation, everything will form around that whole new world to be in. But if, as so often happens, you are not quite here, but not quite all there yet either, the transitions can be excruciating; as you prepare for the infinite life, but are hooked back into the regular life and snagged by image and impression. For you will be consistently reflected back to self as one fragment of yourself and this can be awkward and inwardly agonizing. All you want is to wake up and become your greater self. And meanwhile your lesser self has lots to handle, standing in for someone who is never quite home.

Despite the fact that I was a big baby with a weight of 9 pounds, my core was empty. All my life I had to fill and heal myself again. Always tired, I pushed myself through life, keeping myself walking by a lot of coffee approximately until 1998 and cigarets until 2004. To get rid of tension so now and then a couple of drinks. That stopped 1983. What helped was my strong will:

Moon in Taurus: The fear of criticism and disapproval causes the individual to internalize feelings and to “swallow one’s words,” blocking both personal creativity and communications. In order not to provoke recrimination, the individual may appear to go along with what another says but go one’s own way in the end. The combination of Taurus and Transpluto can make the individual quietly willful.

Reading the above it is clear why the inner boy is afraid to  lose his feet on the ground again.

My transpluto is suited in the 6th house where I also have Pluto. It’s the house of health and healing – my calling. Together with my average mean and true black moon the path is clear. And with transpluto in Virgo, now humanity is walking into years of service and remembering new old divine wisdom and new forms of healing.

My grandson in his premature state now, is as the very weak cup of tea I was as a child. Maybe it is therefore that we both have to wait to meet each other. My inner boy has to heal and strengthen and so is my grandson.



Another nice co-incident: I am a Chinese sign Dragon/ asc. Horse and he is Chinese sign Horse/ asc. Dragon. We will understand each other well and I hope, life will give us a whale of a time.

Two days are gone and now I will try to put words to my coaching experience this week. It is difficult because there came so much info and new material. Also everything had a certain initial period, starting in May and after that with the weekly news about the gem of the week .

I bought the gem. On top of this, you could choose 1 of the photo’s included by the weekly gem message and I choose No.11 – marriage love. In hindsight the first good steps. Making Vine was the next one.

I also had looked up nux vomica info in dutch in my previous blog assimilation where you find it in english.. It came up in the progress of the session also.

Now let’s start at the beginning of it all. When coming back from my short trip 4 weeks ago my right leg started strange behavior with a lot of pain and development of 3 humps between knee and foot. This is an area where I have a lot of scar tissues from an accident when I was 14.  At the knee, there was a swollen blue spot – the veins apparently where blocked somehow. Took me 2 weeks to get that flowing again using medicine I knew from 25 years ago when I had a serious thrombosis. The 3 humps down the leg stayed. I started drinking nettle tea to get rid of the edema. No sign of progress.

In the meantime I made some tools and painted as you can see in my blog. Last Sunday the last tool – Vine.

Tuesday finally my appointment for a session. First thing said was that Vine was the tool for the inner issue at hand. Than all the new info came I had to take in to understand what was coming. Involved are the colors blue and yellow. In this context blue is ratio and all we normally see as male energy, yellow the intuitive, sunny, creative, extraverted and source energy, life stream, we usually see as feminine. It’s like we see the brain divided into left and right brain with the same attributes. That is how far science has come so far but this is not the whole truth and not the same for every human being. Our brain is like an energy sub-station. It manages the amount of source energy the individual in its actual state of inner (soul) development is able to handle.


Within the individual soul there is also not always applicable that left is feminine and right is male. Here the book ‘Het denkende lichaam ‘ written by Charles de Monchy came into picture and I surely will read it soon. All the energy’s have to work together in constant stream.

In my case, as a matter of fact, the male is the soft, creative, intuitive sunny source connected yellow one and the feminine side is the blue ratio oriented, practical, intelligent one. Astonished me suddenly recognized the reason I always say that earth and all practical things are blue in my opinion. My work colors are blue/white. I wear blue most of the time in my life. The yellow one was absolutely absent for a very long time and part of it, the little inner boy, is still refusing to show up.

This refusal was triggered by two interactions with male persons the past weeks and during my short trip. I first asked how the inner man and woman are doing. They still look at each other with suspicion but are working more or less together. The inner boy is frightened because he was suppressed in my childhood by both my parents and he had negative examples around of being a yellow man with abuse of alcohol and smoking, overeating and having a blue, dictatorial mother. On top of that, he saw male energy, might, power and leadership in a corrupted and damaged version which makes oppressors. But how hard we tried, no contact with the ancestor line, the old is really closed. The work now is inside and of my own.

The two reasons he does not want to show up are:

a) if I show and use my yellow potential I may ‘fly out’ and not being able to keep the feet on the ground

b) if inner man and woman work together they might oppress me again.

So little fellow is busy to interrupt the inner man and woman from working together. By doing so he unfortunately also is preventing his yellow potential to work to the fullest and to connect the whole package to the live stream to get something done practically. This young fellow also had the most problems you find in the info about nux vomica. Some I really know from younger years but to my surprise I now have some symptoms I never had before. the inner boy is coming to the fore after all. I have ordered nux vomica too. 

The past 2 days 2 of the humps lessened and the pain is bearable. The amazoniet is the gem to set to work now in this process. Last week I wear the gem pendant as a necklace but my neck got irritated. In the session the message was to not wear it as a necklace but on my heart. So I pinned the pendant to my bra :-) .

A lot of work in progress the upcoming time. All the tools and paintings I already made will come in after this chapter is fully worked through. Another proof of how far into the future I am able to gaze.


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