Yesterday’s coaching was one of clarity and deepening after a start in confusion. A mix up about who was looking at what painting I made in the past weeks because they all fit the course of the process, but not all were suiting the next step to be taken.
The one to start with is the upper part of the painting I made after the last session.
The painting eclipse-dance kept coming up but my coach did not see the dancing couple but an animal – the yellow part.
When she said so, I took the picture to have a close look again and indeed there it was – a squirrel.
The meaning of totem animal Squirrel suites the process but is a step further on the way. So back to painting above.
The first thing that catches the eye is the third chakra in the middle. the place to be in the process right now though is the left eye.
It is not ready to see yet, because the female part refuses to look at the male part. She is angry – the link to the anti-thyroid-peroxidase antibodies – about
a) wanting to be in this life but on her conditions and not the conditions the soul wants for this life because
b) she experience my soul as being male and therefore is to blame for all mishaps in life like it was custom in the ancestor-line of woman.
The male part on his part, refuses the signals of the female part, that his vision is not entirely balanced by not accepting the intuitive part. He also refuses the female part who get all the blame for mishaps in his life, like men did in the ancestor line also.
By this continuous play of mutual rejection, a connection between male and female, head and heart is impossible. The fact, that last year an old wound in my left eye opened again without any reason, is the outward manifestation of this internal fact.
The two has to clean the ancestor habit of blaming each other for all that went wrong and take one’s own responsibility to make one’s life what one want it to be in mutual respect for each others point of view and being. Besides that, the female part then is able to accept the male soul I am and accept the wishes for this life.
From here we finally came back to the inner boy with his pain in the right leg.
The rigid male part wants the little boy all for himself. The inner boy refuses, because he is not a plain thinker but a creative, intuitive boy, wanting male and female to be connected so both points of view can operate together and he will finally have the right to be the soft one, living in the heart, my heart.
Here an old family constellation came to my mind and by looking at it in this context it is obviously, that back than the constellation was sent into the wrong direction by the practitioner. In the family constellation I had chosen to have a look if something in my energy field still had to be sent back to the man of my last relationship which ended, especially fears. So he was standing there with 3 fears and behind me a legion of fears I once had in my life. Right behind me there was a man on his hunker’s, trying not to be seen. The practitioner said that this was the inner boy of my ex and I had to bring him over. The inner boy refused in all and every way but the practitioner insisted. Lamenting boy fell on the floor like dead when at the other side with the man.
Now this picture get a new angle by seeing that the inner boy was right by not wanting to go because it was mine and the man not my ex but my male part. Instead of insisting to bring the boy to the male part the practitioner had to ask the boy why he refuses to go, the right way to do. So now I know and this situation suites my dream about the fuchsia https://redskywalkeronearth.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/dream/.
After this process the next painting is in for a deep look. The next appointment is already set for May.