Today I finished the balancer which I started yesterday. Even the dream catcher is in it. The inner balance between man and woman, adult and child. Now dreams can come true.

After posting I went on Twitter and came across this:

A Waning Inconjunct between the Libra Moon and Pisces Sun (13 deg) asks you to adjust the results of March 1st’s Full Moon.

The ultimate truth, dream or transcendent goal needs to be balanced with a social issue. There may have been an area of surrender that was bigger than you, but now you need to put this into the context of personal relationships. Look for tension around the ultimate relationship vision that you’ve been projecting, versus the actual relationship.

You don’t have to discard any selfless efforts you’ve made, but they need to be balanced with what the other person actually wants – you can achieve this by actively listening to the other person, rather than getting swept up in your sacrifice or good deed.

This can be a frustrating aspect, because you can’t just sit with what happened during the Full Moon. You see that results are ephemeral, and you have to keep rolling with the changes.

Laughter – this is the kind of humor and serendipity I love. Obviously I had picked up the energy already yesterday.

This morning I gave the new balancer its final place and the last touch. I did the same with the painting yesterday.

A ritual sand painting.
Earth magic works upon the imagination to turn around old patterns and lost worlds by seeing it all with a different pair of eyes. The one who stayed under in a trance of automatic repetition, a regressive loop, is crying out for soul retrieval, is searching for whole new ways to feel and experience the way the energies move. Everything depends upon how you hold it, the field of assumptions and yearnings. For there is a tremendous ability here to follow a subtle track right through the middle of the lingering trances into a heightened experience of what this has all been about for so long. Searching for a deeper path through, learning it is there and not being able to carry forward any other way.




Naar aanleiding van de woorden in de

Aanraken en aangeraakt worden

Noodzaak tot leven

Is men alleen en alleen bezig met streven en ambitie

beginnen onbehagen en gemis je te belegeren

mis je een zingevende bestemming

biecht het maar op

je bent in crisis

zonder dankbaarheid

in totale eenzaamheid

In alle eerlijkheid onder ≈ zoek eens je geheugen

Het toneel van het genie-geven

Volkomen in perfectie en toch ongegrond

Je verstopte hartzeer

Geen hulp te bekennen van hier tot  Istanboel

Je maskeert en ontkend je kwetsbaarheid

Je ontbrekend moed

Je durft je problemen niet te noemen

Het zwelgen in de nostalgie van onbeantwoord verlangen naar liefde

Ook is er ontkenning geheel en onvoorwaardelijk dat er

Parallellen met familieleden zijn die eveneens het bovenstaande tot kunst verheven

Eenieder een pelgrim van de pijn

Geen rijpheid, robuustheid, niets

Wijsheid is alleen voor kerkelijk Rome

Waar rust is zo genaamd

Waar de schaduw achter bombaste schoonheid is verborgen

Je hebt diepe spijt

Je ziet spoken zegt de familie

Oorverdovende stilte valt

terwijl jij teruggetrokken

in teleurstelling

Geen troost kan vinden

Alsmaar uitstelt jezelf

vergiffenis te schenken

je verlangen niet volgt

je verlegenheid verstopt

In plaats van vol vreugde vriendschap te sluiten met jezelf

 De wanhoop onder ogen te zien in plaats van ervan weglopen

Werk  aan de winkel

Van woede door zelfkennis naar liefde

After a course morning I came home, tired as hell. The theme had been fear in all its forms and depression with eventually suicide. Felt weary all afternoon.Went down memory lane by viewing old paintings again. Then the urge came for the start on a new tool. Finishing touch this morning.

The inner child

We started talking about the last Aluna Joy message. From there we came to the blue tool I had made but could not get to the meaning of it up to now. To get a good picture of it my coach looked into my blog to find it but every time landed on the post about the seal. During the session it got clear why. Finally she came to the blue tool. Now the flow started and it was like a tremendous water fall – unstoppable.

We had to start with the seal. I had it positioned on the inner child table and that was the right place for it to be. Had to take it. And the blue tool. How is motherhood? “I’m the mother of my inner child and always was and I’ve a wonderful tool made of it.” I repeated.

I had to hold it together with the seal and my belly got very heavy.

“Thats right but there is a little part of the adapted inner child that has not grown. This part is preventing you from getting your energy flowing and trusting your intuition. This part has to grow up. What would you say to it.?” ” First that is why I put the seal on the inner child table and sealed it with Lapis Lazuli.The adapted child part I will tell that everything is okay now and that the time has come to go further as a grown up person. Childhood is over. If there is something the inner child want to tell me that’s okay but it does not has to. Everyday reassurance will help too.”  Thus this is the reason I had to finish the seal with the lapis lazuli. Suddenly I knew that this part is laying in the top of the motherhood tool.

I also remembered a case I read about in the book of Dolores Cannon.

The case was a female healer who consulted Dolores for her problems with her knees among other things. A big energy entered the room and explained to both that this is the energy the healer channel when working with patients and that this energy contact the unconscious to work together on insight and healing. The painful knees are due to the fact that the healer is afraid of the big energy. “So maybe my knee problems come from the same fear?” I asked and the answer was yes. The grown-up woman and the inner girl are confident, happy and curious to work with this energy and often surprised about what develops but the inner adapted boy part is not.  As a child I maybe was clairvoyant and therefore so afraid of the dark and nobody to talk too. ” Those talents you have of channeling this energy and being clairvoyant are very old.” Here the non signaled that she was connected to this too. Simultaneously I remembered two family constellations with all this as theme I had in France in 2003 during a soul week there. ” There also is violated trust in people who made you go away to rather talk to animals and plants.”

“How to go further now?”  “magnesium muriaticum can help and you have to hold the mothertool and look THROUGH the blue tool and that will make all flow, your heavy belly too.

” I hope that I get this all straighten out before I die and done my work that I’m supposed to do this time around.” “You simply will not die until you did.” she laughed.

There I got the urge to ask about my guide I know the name of for so long and how he look like. I told her the name and ….laughter…. “So that is the energy that is with me since I’m talking to you. Yes the name you know is right and he looks like you were described by that psychic you knew.” my coach said. That was the moment when I burst into tears – so glad that he is there helping to get everything clear. She let me cry. “There is a lot empathy coming from him towards you. He says you have to be patient, a part of you is so impatient. ” Thats right, I answered, I will do better.”  “The medical sports training is okay but the trainer is awful.”  “Keep sporting but switch trainer.”  “I need the male trainer for the inner boy part to grow up.” “Yes.”  “What about loosing weight?”  “That will happen when getting the adapted inner boy part to cooperate.”

Here the flow stopped and the session finished. I feel intense happiness although it was a long session and, as I said, a waterfall of information. The new road finally is unfolding.

Maybe the next influential event is the New Moon Solar Eclipse on February 15. The Inside Degree says:

A man laying stones for a path.
If vision and practical skills are brought into a place beyond either one, new worlds can come into being. Tenacity is the key. You have to see the pattern, inscribe the pattern, and let it set collectively. For when you are out ahead of everybody else, you must master the craft of timing in this Earth. Everything is perfect in the right time and place and awful when out of sync. Contained within yourself is the blueprint for the future; you need to season and temper the extraordinary forefront awareness with life-experience, and discover the intricacies of the cultural landscape. A mission pursued, a task taken on with a vengeance. A destiny that stands out and speaks volumes.

Pillow Devil

Had some painful crusts on my left ear shelf so I had to see the dermatologist. He concluded that it was chondrodermatitis nodularis helices. Popularly in dutch its called Kussenduiveltjes which means pillow devils. Suiting, because you only feel them when laying on your pillow on the ear.

After the treatment with nitrogen, I got a leaflet with info about the pillow devils and what might happen in case they has to be removed by an operation. I have to wait four weeks to see if they fall off by the nitrogen.

The folder explained: usually men get pillow devils. Among the women who got this condition were a lot of telephonists and NUNS …….

I laughed when coming to NUNS because I immediately thought about my two past life’s as a nun, especially the one in France in 1756 in Bretagne Kérity Abbaye de Beauport,which ended in me being murdered.

Felt some guilt because of the laughter – I have to respect the nun I once was. So I took the healing tool made when healing those life’s and I apologize to the nun of that time. Even my eyes were affected by this and for several minutes I couldn’t open them…..

It came to me, that the pillow devils are a clean-up of the nun’s trauma like the skin cancer in my neck was the clearance of the life’s in which I have been hanged, throat slit etc. That is how the body get rid of healed traumatic experiences in past life’s after they are healed on energetic level.


A new message from Aluna Joy came in this morning: http://www.alunajoy.com/2016-aug-11.html

Passages that are meant for you will crystallize themself.

The past at least two years my drive was certainly gone and I kind a hang in there, and honestly a lot of computer & games besides doing my path cleaning work and the volunteer work. In the Aluna Joy message I found:

It is important that we hold back our energy until it is the right time to leap; but it is not quite time to do so just yet. So if you have been feeling bad about yourself, because you haven’t been doing your spiritual work as before, and you have been chowing down on pints of Ben and Jerry’s, bingeing on TV, etc . . . , it is probably because you are getting really close, and you need to pull the reigns back a bit. It is not time . . . YET!

I had a dream quite some time ago that my horse gladly wanted to get out of the stable and run but when I gave in we almost felt into a big hole in the street…..

Back in the 90’s I had contact with a psychic lady who already told me this:

What the Star Elders have shown me is that we will wake up one morning, and we will be there.

and something for the Chinese dragon lady I am.

AND . . . today we received a new template . . . the magical dragon’s egg . . . to fill the empty space

During the past weekend, I had the idea to watch this two movies I have: DragonHeart and DragonHeart New Beginnings – with a young dragon hatched from the egg found in the cave of the dragon from DragonHeart…..

My heart is joyfully beating while digesting the message. Suddenly there was an insight about two tools I have waiting for so long at both sides of my sofa. The two belong to this new beginning and the latest tool also – got through me.

I feel happy with it and joyful so its right.

The Marriage

This morning, while doing actually really nothing, inspiration hit. I went to the shed were my branches are stalled and chose a long bamboo branch. Already since January 6, 2018 a big Yellow Pine Cone was waiting to be used. Suddenly I knew that the two had to be connected. The Yellow Pine Cone has a hollow room I filled with wood plaster and set it on the bamboo branch. When taking a photo for the process I asked myself why those two and went searching. Not really surprising the outcome: it’s the manifestation of yesterdays healing of the right leg.

Botanical: Pinaceae sp.
Planetary Associations: Mars, Pluto, Sun
Element: Earth, Air & Fire
Gender: Masculine
Tarot: Emperor
The pine cone is an emblem of Zeus and Artemis, Jupiter and Venus. Sacred to the Druids, the pine was known as one of the Seven Chieftain Trees of the Irish. It lends itself to male sexual energy which has been removed from the procreative purpose. This sacred tree is ideal for those men seeking to bring their sexual drive under control and channel it toward sacred goals. The large cones are actually the female cones.The essential oil is also a great scent for those who do dragon magick, as the fast-burning pine is associated with dragons in China, where these magical creatures are especially esteemed.more about Pine here

BAMBOO = Like a self-cultivated scholar in hermitage, it is ready to render services when called upon
Since the bamboo lasts through all seasons, it is frequently associated with pine and plum as the “Three Winter Friends.” The bamboo is considered a gentleman with perfect virtues. It combines upright integrity with accommodating flexibility; it has the perfect balance of grace and strength, or the Yin and the Yang, bamboo symbolize the spirit of integrity and loyalty. more about Bamboo here

I suppose you see why those two had to be connected. Yin & Yang, Male & Female, together for a higher purpose and the opening to a new life.

Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world. – John Muir





Here the actual stage of the new tool.Done with acrylic color, decorfin and decorfin patina antique effect. The latter is drying very slowly. The tool is not finished yet.


Finally ready and dry.

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