The past two days I had to process the theme of my latest coaching session. It still is surrounded by shame somehow. Pictures I already shared here show the theme.DSC02612beestachtig2 The picture on the right show how the female family line thought about sex, being a woman together with a man, in particular my mother to the extreme.In the painting on the left you see my perception with still the dark imprint on the left.

As a follower on Twitter said:

“It feels like a dark dance you never want to stop”

I was trained as a baby to be clean and I was when 10 months old – totally impossible. My mother succeeded with her, almost animalistic, training. She acted by her traumatic perception of womanhood and a former life as a woman of pleasure to say it nicely. We all know that those ladies are not treated with respect and have to do the most disgusting things. She, in remembrance of this particular life, shut down her and my womanhood. Everything ‘down there’ was just not there, had to be clean and, very important, had to be hushed. No way to speak about it in my family. She once said to me: “If you enjoy sex you are a hooker!” and father agreed with a nod. Energetically we are able to love more than one person in our life, after each other or all at the same time. Or we can be LGBT’s. But we cut this down to monogamy.monoMy parents would be full of profound disapproval by all we find absolutely normal these days.

Coming to cleansing: I can give her back this former life experience – it is not mine. Took me years to let go due to her potty training I will not describe in detail. The energy can leave my energy field. I can finally free ‘down there’ and experience my sensuality and being a woman to the fullest. Manifestation: physiotherapist.

Look also here:

In 2013 I ordered a personal horoscope in the line of my long inner transformation. You can read it here:
horoscope pt 1
and here:
horoscope pt 2 if interested.

For quite some time now, I follow Ilse ten Berge on Twitter and her blog and suddenly we were talking about her astrological service. She offered me a reading. I gladly took this chance.

The day after the Solstice my reading arrived.The knowledge from the previous horoscopes got more practical earthy roots and I got new insights, especially around my calling and work, my position in the society. Being a natural-born counselor, healer and being of service very clear highlighted again. There is the calling. How to bring it into the world would be in a group of like-minded therapist and counselor in some kind of cooperation. ‘ When ‘ was my next question and this part was intriguing.
Delivered was a whole time plan based on transits past and yet to come up to 2032.


The past transits showed, why some of my more disastrous years occurred, the money fluctuations, to say it nicely, and the ending of that one fantastic relationship I experienced from 2002 – 2005. The years I gladly remember, being 1998/1998 – I had a great job at an american company with a wonderful boss, a lovely dog and my first grandchild made her entrance. I was happy back then. During this years Uranus transited my North Node – the start to free me from my past (life) experiences and habits. Yesterday, past memories from this very past came up and together with the light to come made some emotional hours with a good cry.

The time line is one of re-structuring, planning and step by step forward kind of road with some grand sweets to come at the end. The knowledge spans from end of June 2016 to the end of 2032 – 15 years to finally position myself as therapist and work.

My health problems = just cleaning after all the restructuring. Like a real house you rebuild – after all the work is done you clean up the house and then decorate it with new stuff and some good old stuff you keep. After that you go and live in it. Alone or with a, yet to find, new partner.

Time to learn new things, start a new study, an urge I feel since last year but have neither found the study nor the funds . More transformational experiences will come my way which I gladly accept as I always did.


This astrological report with transits lightened me up and fired my spirit once again after almost two months which felt as of no movement at all. The joy I feel also make me very emotional and once again there is proof that nothing in our life happens by so-called happenstance – it is your one and only life path, not only written in the stars. There are more divinations but I recommend Ilse ten Berge to do your horoscope around your actual life question.

astrological report pt 1
astrological report pt 2


Sunny Sunday Morning – nobody awake – Hoofddorp as dead except for some workers who has to install some tents for a two days show-off of our Mayor and the City Council Members at our beautiful old City Hall. For this occasion, for the first time in history, they planted pretty flowers and rose bushes around the old trees and grass alongside the street.There is also a man busy to water the plants (not often seen in this city) and cleaning the newly refurbished street and plaza in front of the old city hall. The City Council almost sold the tent but massive protest could prevent it. Now they are happy to still have the place for their show-off.




Did not take any photo and bike to the demolition area at former Woodward garden. The following pictures show the sad, painful extent of the destruction.






reus4Birds are all over the place and in the pond a heron was calmly waiting for some fish to have survived the demolition.


This monumental tree, I hope, is to stay.


UPDATE 24-07-2016


I am furious!

In 2013 I was allowed to visit the fantastic garden of Woodward Nederland BV. The garden had wonderful healthy big trees of all sorts. There were plants imported from America because it is an american company. A gardener took care of the garden and the big pond where the employees could rest during lunch time or take a walk around the big garden.


I took photo’s while walking there and enjoying the beauty of nature surrounding me.Have a look for yourself.

atthewaterside3behindthecurtainboom3boom5boom7boom8boom9watersideThe company moved to another building. Today I came along the area and there was NOTHING. All trees are cut down – only stumps left. All the healthy wonderful big trees and blooming shrubs are gone. There were a lot of animals living and I saw one hare amid the demolition area. This beauty had to make room for this: http://www.noorderkwartierhoofddorp.nl

The irony of it all is to be found on the website of the builders:

Novaform Real estate developers realize an attractive, mixed residential area with lots of green

Just for the money as usual


The official who authorized this demolition should get life imprisonment for crimes against nature.

The Knight on the White Horse




It is a wonderful approach on teaching children.
…there is a belief that children have rights and should be given opportunities to develop their potential. “Influenced by this belief, the child is beheld as beautiful, powerful, competent, creative, curious, and full of potential and ambitious desires.””Rather than being seen as the target of instruction, children are seen as having the active role of an apprentice.”

Technology Rich Inquiry Based Research

By: Diane Kashin, Ed.D, RECE. It is heartening to see that there is much interest in the Reggio Emilia Approach and a genuine desire expressed by many to begin the process of becoming Reggio inspired. Thinking about our practice as a journey  has me pondering. Metaphors are a useful tool to promote reflective thinking about practice and I am reminded of the Malaguzzi quote that likens the process to a journey down the water of a river.

Malaguzzi quote - rive

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The Full Moon of May 21 brings the long-awaited portal to the new way of being on the base of what has been and has been seen, healed, kept for its worth or sorted out because it is not helping anymore. The new route is to be seen and connections to be made between past – now – future. The urge for release and relief I surely feel and crave for.It’s time for faith in Self.


Many iris blooming in a wide variety of colors.
A vast multiplicity of vantage points, ways of being, complete identities. Fabulously suggestible and impressionable. Fanning out in all directions, becoming one with everything. Desiring and needing to bring forth each self you have ever been, every fancy you are filled with, you are impetuous, outrageous, and irrepressible. Freedom at all costs. The moment prevails. Ferment and flux. A great difficulty in holding steady, perpetual adolescent rebellion, and the magnificent ability to become absolutely anything. Experience is all. Your deepest need is to embrace your astounding nature and let it be free, despite all signs to the contrary.
A collection of large dried leaves, each one bearing an inscription.
A neatly compacted little world. Everything fits together splendidly. Each detail is highlighted, mentally known to be right where it belongs. But everything is static. No movement destroys the coherence. You remember the way it is supposed to be and reconstitute all good things from the past, while inwardly craving to break through to something new. The familiar mental categories accompany you everywhere. Knowing exactly what is happening is highly valued. A thousand practical gifts are made easy. Everything works smoothly. The socio-cultural sphere is well-served. But underneath, slowly, gradually, you are losing all interest in this pattern and seeking a way out of it, which in the fullness of time may be there if you can let go of the need to please everybody and make perfect sense and discover the great bulk of your being lying dormant, waiting for the future to dawn. Needing relief and release to feel alive again and to know that it is possible to find real satisfaction in living.
Inside degrees by Ellias Lonsdale



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