After a week full of mulling over my last coaching session, I try to give it words today. As a matter of fact it is, somehow, a prolongation of the healing process of my inner boy/man which started in June 2014.
Besides taking medicine to stimulate the thyroid, I’m getting treatment of the right leg by a physiotherapist. Last Tuesday I had so much pain that he asked a colleague for help. He advised to start at the ankle ( which was injured in 2005 ) working up to the knee – the line of the Fibula.
After the extremely painful treatment he taped the area. The tape has the colour of power and might, suiting the oppression of the inner boy. You will see later.
When learning about the working of the Fibula and the psychological meaning, slowly the coaching session got grounded. Within the psychological working of the Fibula is to find: bringing balance into your energy system, going deeper into yourself to have a good look at how your clockwork is working, not looking for orientation and guidance outside but within as a wise hermit to find the inner gold. Not being afraid any longer about death, dark forces, the dark cellar, cultivated sorrow, that there might be something wrong with myself and the underworld. No longer suppression of the joy of life and optimism but discovering and cleaning the bright light within. All the themes came along the past 2 weeks. I had an exchange about cellars, death came along, I thought, without reason, about the grandfather of my 1st husband who repaired watches and always had leftover parts after the repair but the watch worked fine nevertheless, I repeatedly had a look at a big mother of pearl shell I have
Now to the fine tuning of the coaching session.
There came some volunteer work into the picture but I postponed the decision to do it after a brief visit for acquaintance. As a matter of fact this postponement keeps me away by a piece of childhood where there was disturbance in the base back than. The circumstances I would have to face when doing the job would be the mirror for the disturbance, thus maybe healing for me. My parents and part of myself have this urge for perfection. In the male line of my father’s family, there was always this urge for perfection. Perfection in things, deeds and people, even race, which, as a matter of fact, is also a piece of collective German karma. I have to clean that out in the family system. As a child, the childlike joy for nothing was suppressed like many other things. I had to be perfect too, well-mannered, quiet and always soft and sweet. “You’re a girl!” was often said. “I could not stand her joy when getting a good degree so I gave her a lesser one!” 1 of my first teachers at school.
My parents also couldn’t handle my energy. I learned pretty young that my full package was too much and shut it down. All this internalized energy is very unhealthy. Beside that, I learned to look for guidance only up to others, first my parents than teachers and bosses. Curious in this is that only my female teachers and bosses told me to slow down, knock it off, be still, like my mother always did. Instead of going joyful with my inner SELF, this trend continued up to now. That is the main psychological reason to get a hypothyroidism, abnormally low activity of the thyroid gland. In the package there is also the fear of ending in madness when being completely myself and being too much for others. Quite logical because I did not learn to regulate my energy during childhood but had to suppress it. Also I had the feeling and fear of not being perfect. This is, as a matter of fact, the inner boy/man part.
Side effect is my left shoulder, which is blocked and painful. There the proud female part is holding residence as a rock. The proud leonine part from former life is not willing to do anything. The great struggle is to turn the regent within into a commoner. During this part of the coaching session anger came up – she was very angry. My stomach hurt also. Here the message was clear that the liver is involved also because anger hurt the liver also. And, the liver transforms the thyroid stimulating hormone TSH produced by pituitary gland into T3, the working hormone, for 80% . My liver is in the process too. The liver is the largest organ we have and psychologically handling our transformation processes and therefore maybe the only organ that keeps growing back after an operation.
When I let go of the urge for perfectionism the proud part will disappear.
The next steps in the process:
1. learning to regulate instead of suppressing the full potential of my energy
2. making a painting with the above in mind.
After that the next coaching session can take place. The thyroid tool I made has to get an extension but what this might be is nebulous so far.
