Karma free Zone

After reading the predictions for 2015 by Jennifer Hoffman especially that part about the karma free zone, I remembered an old painting.

I looked it up and worked on it again. The karma free zone – it’s my new house, because I’m the first to live in it, build in 2011/12. That painting reflect the same idea.

Stepping off the wheel of karma, cutting loose all old ties and knots to former life’s and old relationships, from this and former life’s. I already put a seal to it. When the last pieces are in from my thyroid process, I will cut the ties also in the painting.karmafree



On the rocks 2

mijn steencopyright Es


The New Moon falls on 29°Aq59 . Therefore I chose both Chandra degrees of this span. When reading the text I only can be astonished because a lot of what is named, came along symbolically and otherwise the past days.

The sound of dripping water echoes through a great stone room.
The most unusual and distinctive of inward conditions. You are held within a mode of awareness that is from another time and place altogether. You have nothing to say and nothing to do. There is no power of individual life-force. Instead you see as the ancient ones see. Utter unworldliness to a point of dissociation from surface experience. A part of the mind transported by a reverie of timeless, effortless realization. Everything is clear. The subtlest, most refined things are obvious. It is all a matter of perspective, and here the perspective is that the only thing that matters is how the inward resonant echo registers and where it leads you in choiceless awareness, in communion with the Gods.


A large pool filled with white water lilies in bloom.
Integration and synthesis. Putting it all together. Creative intelligence at its best. Having gone on ahead and seen what can be, yet suspending your vision so that freedom and open-endedness are honored. Living on many planes at once, in intricate refinement. You have the ability to hold in place as many independent variables as become relevant, an especially distinctive quality of unqualified or unconditional regard and respect for one and all. Universal brotherhood and sisterhood as the impulse of the future, active now.

On the rocks

From yesterday’s painting river stones with the group I had three large ones over. I stalled them on the garden table en started to paint. Put some coating on the first one and went to bed. (Un)fortunately it rained during the night and the result was great. Seeing this I took the three inside and started again. Here the result which is now drying. The coating has to wait.

The tiny little face-stone I found years ago and it waited all the time…


my personal Stonehenge






One Adobe-attempt to make a whole of two.


Thyroid Pt.2

After a week full of mulling over my last coaching session, I try to give it words today. As a matter of fact it is, somehow, a prolongation of the healing process of my inner boy/man which started in June 2014.

Besides taking medicine to stimulate the thyroid, I’m getting treatment of the right leg by a physiotherapist. Last Tuesday I had so much pain that he asked a colleague for help. He advised to start at the ankle ( which was injured in 2005 ) working up to the knee – the line of the Fibula.


After the extremely painful treatment he taped the area. The tape has the colour of power and might, suiting the oppression of the inner boy. You will see later.


When learning about the working of the Fibula and the psychological meaning, slowly the coaching session got grounded. Within the psychological working of the Fibula is to find: bringing balance into your energy system, going deeper into yourself to have a good look at how your clockwork is working, not looking for orientation and guidance outside but within as a wise hermit to find the inner gold. Not being afraid any longer about death, dark forces, the dark cellar, cultivated sorrow, that there might be something wrong with myself and the underworld. No longer suppression of the joy of life and optimism but discovering and cleaning the bright light within. All the themes came along the past 2 weeks. I had an exchange about cellars, death came along, I thought, without reason, about the grandfather of my 1st husband who repaired watches and always had leftover parts after the repair but the watch worked fine nevertheless, I repeatedly had a look at a big mother of pearl shell I have

Now to the fine tuning of the coaching session.

There came some volunteer work into the picture but I postponed the decision to do it after a brief visit for acquaintance. As a matter of fact this postponement keeps me away by a piece of childhood where there was disturbance in the base back than. The circumstances I would have to face when doing the job would be the mirror for the disturbance, thus maybe healing for me. My parents and part of myself have this urge for perfection. In the male line of my father’s family, there was always this urge for perfection. Perfection in things, deeds and people, even race, which, as a matter of fact, is also a piece of collective German karma.  I have to clean that out in the family system. As a child, the childlike joy for nothing was suppressed like many other things. I had to be perfect too, well-mannered, quiet and always soft and sweet. “You’re a girl!” was often said. “I could not stand her joy when getting a good degree so I gave her a lesser one!” 1 of my first teachers at school.


My parents also couldn’t handle my energy. I learned pretty young that my full package was too much and shut it down. All this internalized energy is very unhealthy. Beside that, I learned to look for guidance only up to others, first my parents than teachers and bosses. Curious in this is that only my female teachers and bosses told me to slow down, knock it off, be still, like my mother always did. Instead of going joyful with my inner SELF, this trend continued up to now. That is the main psychological reason to get a hypothyroidism, abnormally low activity of the thyroid gland. In the package there is also the fear of ending in madness when being completely myself and being too much for others. Quite logical because I did not learn to regulate my energy during childhood but had to suppress it. Also I had the feeling and fear of not being perfect. This is, as a matter of fact, the inner boy/man part.

Side effect is my left shoulder, which is blocked and painful. There the proud female part is holding residence as a rock. The proud leonine part from former life is not willing to do anything. The great struggle is to turn the regent within into a commoner. During this part of the coaching session anger came up – she was very angry. My stomach hurt also. Here the message was clear that the liver is involved also because anger hurt the liver also. And, the liver transforms the thyroid stimulating hormone TSH produced by pituitary gland into T3, the working hormone, for 80% . My liver is in the process too. The liver is the largest organ we have and  psychologically handling our transformation processes and therefore maybe the only organ that keeps growing back after an operation.

When I let go of the urge for perfectionism the proud part will disappear.

The next steps in the process:
1. learning to regulate instead of suppressing the full potential of my energy
2. making a painting with the above in mind.


After that the next coaching session can take place. The thyroid tool I made has to get an extension but what this might be is nebulous so far.


Common Ash balls

Today I made the necklace from the Common Ash balls I got for my birthday.

Together with my friend Nicole we worked the whole morning on it.



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