old trees


Scientist examined 700.000 trees all over the world. The surprising result: how older the tree the quicker they grow. Those old trees produce three times more biomass than the young smaller ones. So old for trees does not mean sick, weak, bent and vulnerable – to the contrary –  strong, powerful and more productive than the young ones.We need old trees as weapon against climate change. from Peter Wohlleben’s book ‘Das geheime Leben der Bäume’

Why do we humans cut trees on young age? Only for the profit – like everything we do that ruins Mother Nature! Trees need to grow old to do their job in Mother Nature’s indefectible plan. It’s a great and important job they have.

There is more to the equation but a thought came up as follows.

If it is right, that ‘as above so below – so outside so inside’ we could see this young vs old trees story also as a mirror in how we treat old people.

oudThere is a deep believe that, when people get older, they, without any doubt, will become sick, weak and unproductive. That is not according the human design – we only forgot how to stay in shape. If living a healthy life without, among others, the negative believe of surely aging 100% cracky, you will not end as lousy rotten old hump. Negative belief’s and nasty habits has to be turned around and your DNA will follow.


And if trees mirror us – how we handle a forest so we handle old people. But here also is right that old people are more productive than youngsters – because they are wise and therefore stronger. They live more easy-going and provide a lot of wisdom while youngsters are more voracious for life and are learning by doing all sorts of stupid things. It’s time so think about this and treat trees and elderly people with the respect they deserve!


Another similarity between trees and humans: where the old people live Trees on scanty soil change their habitat for the better and grow old – so can we. And sometimes living on scanty soil later appeared to have been just a blessing in disguise.



Today my appointment with my coach Ria Winterman. It appeared to be a deepening of the shaman healing and putting knowledge, tool and painting in the right position and/or context.

Thirst a short review of the healing and acknowledgement of what I felt that had happened. Then we came to the tool bliss. He was still waiting near by the white mirror to be put in proper place. I took the tool and went, after some hesitation, to the right corner of the livingroom. He wanted to be next to the painting of unconditional wealth. “It want to be hanged on the wall.” I said and she answered “that’s right.” A concrete wall….how… “Let it sink in there will be a way.”  “The tool need a handle came to mind.  I put the tool on the ground and it turned around, the red stone facing the wall. In my opinion it was standing back to front but that was not the case. Bliss back is where the red stone is.

We continued the session and came to the painting I had made with the Yew tree disk in it. The one with the shadow, as a matter of fact, is me before the healing and the one without the shadow the purified me – heaven and earth reunited. The shadow is my fear of a threatening force – my fear to use my intuition and other paranormal and healing abilities. This more due to the negative past life experience when I used my talents. FAITH is the main thing to practice now. It also shows the block of those powers because one of my life lessons was to root in the material world firmly. Now the way is free to ‘play in the garden again’.

We came to the right ear – the block has gone but I still think not in certain ways. On my energetic frequency I hear, not necessarily in words or pictures, all the wisdom and knowledge from my ancestors and myself. No further explanation – just have faith.

The session was over – this part together with the healing from my shaman friend André has to settle down. Next appointment made – the cleaning goes on.

Took some beverages – bliss kept calling. Suddenly had the idea to make the handle and to tie it to the wall with a strong metal pin which goes even in concrete. Here Bliss in the right place.



…..Maar ook is er weer behoefte aan authentieke spiritualiteit …. sinds begin 2016 energetisch in zo’n zwaar weer zitten, waardoor onderhoud van het energetische zeer veel effect heeft. Er is bijna een noodzaak om je energiesysteem en je leefomgeving regelmatig  energetisch  te reinigen … uit rapport over 2016 van Manuela v/d Knaap

Monday I visited my shaman teacher in Delft for a healing. Blanc, except for the flashes I had when talking to my coach. After a long time not seen we had to talk a lot before the actual healing. He was blanc too. I had my finest shamanic knife with me, because I expected something had to be cut out the system.operatietool1


First step was cleaning the wound on my neck. All the past life’s when I was killed by beheading came off as well as being beheaded emotionally and psychological. Two family members who had done this came to front to forgive them and let it go. This proces took a while. Followed by attending the right leg accompanied by tremendous pain at the appendix scar. All the time, the shaman knife was behind my left ear. When the energetical healing and removal of the past energy’s was done, the knife came to life because it was time for some precision work in the energy field. You have to know, that for quite some time, both ears gave trouble and finally were cleaned by the doctor. Not much going on with the left ear. Coming to the right ear the knife cut open an old blockage and removed it energetically. A stream of damp in different colours left the building – my ear now is really open. I had to turn on my back because there had to be something removed too from my navel area. A part of the energetic umbilical cord to my mother and a part of the energetic umbilical cord of my eldest son had to be cut off. I’m free and my son has to go it on his own. The karmic obligation towards me by my father and my son is full filled. My father and my son has to work their karmic pact alone now. The knife went to sleep again – its work was done. Last spot the left ankle and finished. There will more old and already seen and understood stuff leave the building. It is really cleaning time.

We drank some nettle tea and it was time to go. In his garden there was plenty of wood waiting to be worked on and I got a disk from a Yew tree – the tree of death and eternity, the portal to the world of spirit.

Today I made a painting with the disk in it. When taking pictures I got 2 different ones suiting the energy field before and after the healing.

before – in the grip of the past


after – all light in my meadow



Yew Tree signs, magical and medicinal properties

taxus info in dutch


My gods come to me when they find my heart open.

They come when I am walking in the forest at twilight.   They come when I am watching the wind blow across water that was still just a moment before.   They come when I am lying in bed at the edge of waking, calling first in the voices of Owls and Ravens.   They come when my lover and I are alone on a winter’s night by the woodstove.   They come when I am at the gym and the rest of the world slips away and in the moment before they arrive there is nothing but the weight pressing down and my muscles pushing against it.   They come with the scent of Hawthorne blossoms and the feeling of cold rain on bare skin.

They come when I am deeply embodied and open to connection  —…

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After a lot of insisting that something is the case and should be done with a spot on my neck, I finally got the referral to the specialist at the hospital. Two weeks ago that spot was removed and send for laboratory examination. I had a blood test too because the last one showed a high liver value.

During the days up to Thursday this week when the stitches could come off, I draw the angel card of Purification. angelThe blood test showed a normal liver value again. Past Sunday I met shaman woman and medium Andjela and among other things we talked about mother and motherhood, my right leg, the 3rd chakra and having faith in my knowledge and protection.

Thursday came and I had the feeling that the wound was still open. The stitches went off and — the wound had not healed. The specialist came and was exceptionally friendly. He asked me why I had the idea that something was going on at that spot and I told him that I have an outstanding body awareness and intuition and just know. “You did very well, he continued, it’s a melanoma. Not big and fortunately not deep. We now have to wait until the wound is completely healed and then we have to do a second operation to see if we have got it all out. Don’t freak out it is a procedure rule.”

Meanwhile I froze like being in shock. Got very angry with my general practitioner and send him an email when home. Scheduled the appoint for the 2nd operation and started biking. Tears in the eyes all the way to my dear friend. We talked a while and she gave me a hug and a present.


Made an appointment with my friend, shaman André de Vos in Delft and phoned my coach. The rest of the day I kept simply talking to my inner child that I, as my own mother, will take care of all this.

My coach called the next morning and we talked a while. Scheduling an appointment a few things came up, although only flashes. It is all purification, father has to do with it and your own mother line.

I have made a tool about my motherhood a long time ago.


The next days are ment to process all this.

I’m cocooning now.

Today I had the urge to work on the present I got from my friend. It was done in a huge flow and ready in no time. It is bliss.




All that is happening inside of me now perfectly suites the upcoming knot untangling times with all the planets going retrograde – I had my wake-up call.



all the retrogrades in english


This morning my shamanic white mirror all of a sudden was out of balance and I had to straighten that out. This coincidence suites the start of 13 days of Tzolkin White Mirror Path – finding answers, removing and solving problems. The whole day I found myself reminding me to sit with my back straight. Insights keep coming and I am curious what the next days will bring.

white mirror

more about the White Mirror Path by Joke Vesseur

Insect world

The Easter Junction found me creating a new tool: The insect world.insect8




The insects I found in the branch are:

Know that massive changes are afoot. Butterfly is asking you to embrace those changes in your environment and with your emotional body. This physical transformation of energy around you is taking root and expanding in ways that may surprise you. Release any expectations you may have with regard to the outcome of this change and do not try to control it – but simply allow it to flow through and around you. Keep your faith. You may also be reminded to get up and move! Dance brings the sweetness of life. Butterflies bring color and joy to your life. Look at them and remember what joy is in your life, if it’s a lot or a little, it is still joy. We are also being reminded that we are all on a long journey of the soul. On this journey we encounter endless turns, shifts, and conditions that cause us to morph into ever-finer beings. At our soul-journey’s end we are inevitably changed –and not at all the same as when we started on the path.
If the Bee has shown up in your life, examine your own productivity. Are you doing all you can to make your life more fertile? Are you busy enough? Are you making time to savor the honey of life and not becoming a workaholic? The Bee reminds us to make our lives productive while the sun shines and to enjoy the nectar of efforts. No matter how great the dream is, there is the promise of fulfillment if we pursue our dreams. You have the ability to accomplish the impossible over and over again.
Know that quick and abrupt changes in your thoughts, emotions and endeavors are afoot. Rapid changes in all aspects of your life are currently happening for you so be prepared to move quickly even in unfavorable and uncomfortable conditions. Fly can also signify an exponentially growing source of abundance is available for you right now. Use your keen eyesight to see the way. Never give up. Alternatively Fly could be reminding you that your persistence in reaching your goals will bear fruit sooner than later. Even if it means annoying others or being selfish for a while – you do have the ability to accomplish your goals. You have the ability to multiply your endeavors, ventures and prosperity at enormous rates. You are quick to act and never miss an opportunity.
The appearance of a Ladybug heralds a time of luck in which our wishes begin to be fulfilled. Higher goals and new heights are now possible. Worries begin to dissipate. New happiness comes about. This insect also cautions not to try to hard or go to fast to fulfill our dreams. Let things flow at their natural pace. In the due course of time, our wishes will all come true. Alternatively she could be signaling that you can leave your worries behind and that new happiness is on its way. This species of beetle signals you to not be scared to live your own truth. Protect your truth and know that it is yours to honor. When Ladybug is your personal animal totem you are most likely a very lively and interesting companion. You are constantly delving into the mysteries of the Universe and the unknown. insect totem animals


burning pain

drifting tired


so much to leave behind

no going back

rising from the ashes

my inner phoenix




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