moon1Shedding skin again – fleeing from

moon1filter leaving behind – washing away – water under the bridge not yet

moon1filter2mashed into fertile ground for fresh starts

copyright Es

Thyroid Pt.5

coaching april2Yesterday’s coaching was one of clarity and deepening after a start in confusion. A mix up about who was looking at what painting I made in the past weeks because they all fit the course of the process, but not all were suiting the next step to be taken.

The one to start with is the upper part of the painting I made after the last session.


The painting eclipse-dance eclipsedance1 kept coming up but my coach did not see the dancing couple but an animal – the yellow part.

When she said so, I took the picture to have a close look again and indeed there it was – a squirrel. eclipsedance11

The meaning of totem animal Squirrel suites the process but is a step further on the way. So back to painting above.

The first thing that catches the eye is the third chakra in the middle. the place to be in the process right now though is the left eye.

thyroid met text

It is not ready to see yet, because the female part refuses to look at the male part. She is angry – the link to the anti-thyroid-peroxidase antibodies – about 

a)  wanting to be in this life but on her conditions and not the conditions the soul wants for this life  because

b) she experience my soul as being male and therefore is to blame for all mishaps in life like it was custom in the ancestor-line of woman.

The male part on his part, refuses the signals of the female part, that his vision is not entirely balanced by not accepting the intuitive part. He also refuses the female part who get all the blame for mishaps in his life, like men did in the ancestor line also.

By this continuous play of  mutual rejection, a connection between male and female, head and heart is impossible. The fact, that last year an old wound in my left eye opened again without any reason, is the outward manifestation of this internal fact.

The two has to clean the ancestor habit of blaming each other for all that went wrong and take one’s own responsibility to make one’s life what one want it to be in mutual respect for each others point of view and being. Besides that, the female part then is able to accept the male soul I am and accept the wishes for this life.

From here we finally came back to the inner boy with his pain in the right leg.

The rigid male part wants the little boy all for himself. The inner boy refuses, because he is not a plain thinker but a creative, intuitive  boy, wanting male and female to be connected so both points of view can operate together and he will finally have the right to be the soft one, living in the heart, my heart.

Here an old family constellation came to my mind and by looking at it in this context it is obviously, that back than the constellation was sent into the wrong direction by the practitioner. In the family constellation I had chosen to have a look if something in my energy field still had to be sent back to the man of my last relationship which ended, especially fears. So he was standing there with 3 fears and behind me a legion of fears I once had in my life. Right behind me there was a man on his hunker’s, trying not to be seen. The practitioner said that this was the inner boy of my  ex and I had to bring him over. The inner boy refused in all and every way but the practitioner insisted. Lamenting boy fell on the floor like dead when at the other side with the man.

Now this picture get a new angle by seeing that the inner boy was right by not wanting to go because it was mine and the man not my ex but my male part. Instead of insisting to bring the boy to the male part the practitioner had to ask the boy why he refuses to go, the right way to do. So now I know and this situation suites my dream about the fuchsia https://redskywalkeronearth.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/dream/.

After this process the next painting is in for a deep look. The next appointment is already set for May.

Here we go again.

I had a blood test to see if the medicine is working positively. Today I got the results. The hormon is a bit better but my immune system now has started to produce anti-thyroid-peroxidase antibodies which will demolish the thyroid in the long run. According to my doctor, there is no cure for this. If I manage to cure it, I would be considered a medical wonder.

So the next phase in the thyroid proces has began. Appointment with my coach is already made.

I’m pretty sure that the cards, I made yesterday, has to tell me a story in this proces.

encaustic april

With the eclipse of October 8,2014 I painted this:eclipsespiration2

Today, there is another full moon eclipse which is refering to the october eclispe. After cleaning my minerals and gemstones, the altar, doing yoga and a meditation, the next painting wanted to be painted.

To me it is a couple dancing the flamenco, the forceful, improvised rhythms of life, love, despair and hope.

See about the flamenco: http://www.timenet.org/detail.html




The night before the eclipse I had a wonderful dream. I was invited to a wedding. I took the train to the town where the wedding was celebrated and went searching for flowers. I wanted to buy a white/red fuchsia.


In the first shop, the owner repeatedly ran away for other clients, the phone and so on. I left the shop and came to a huge shopping mall. No flower was to be found. I also lost orientation.

Strolling around, suddenly, after turning a corner, I stood in front of a lovely flower shop. Outside the most beautiful plants and flowers. Among them also fuchsia’s in all colors possible. Even fuchsia on trunk, looking like a fuchsia tree. An old lady with white hair stepped outside and invited me in. “First you have to drink a warm cop of tea dear.” She made the tea and put some drips of an essence in it. The tea tasted sweet and a feeling of warmth and safety came over me. Together we went through the shop and she showed me the garden behind the store. Another woman was making a flower arrangement and took a golden necklace with moonstone to decorate the arrangement. The old woman took the necklace and gave it to me. “You need this, take it, it’s my present. And now let’s have a look at the fuchsia’s.” She knew even without me telling her. After I found the perfect fuchsia I asked her the way back to Angel Street where the wedding will be.

Today, because I keep wondering about the dream, I looked up fuchsia – read and wonder.

Fuchsia when you desire greater connection with Joy and are ready to breathe Universal Joy deeply into your life. Also helpful when you want to deepen your “intuitive knowing” from the heart, your “heartapathic” ability.
Symbolic language of Fuchsia: love, I am yours, trust in the other concerning love.
Healing Properties: fuchsia
flower essence assists one in accepting long-repressed emotions, whether from this or other lifetimes, and embracing one’s long-submerged and neglected grief, pain, and suffering. Often, through this process of flower remedies, the Divine Child within is revealed.

The message about the joy of life from fuchsia suites the thyroid problem. The message of the necklace is also suiting. I suppose that the wedding finally is the complete healing of the divine child, my own inner marriage and a new start. This was also one of the messages of the sun eclipse last Friday.


Blue Moonstone, promotes clarity of the mind and inner vision, keeping one focused while in a meditative or altered state of awareness. It is particularly helpful in seeing emotional patterns and life lessons, and in balancing yin and yang energy’s. Moonstone is considered the stone of new beginnings. Moonstone is most famous for balancing our emotional states.

in dutch:

* Maansteen vergroot het hartchakra en vergroot zo de empathie met de medemens en de spirituele groei vanuit compassie. Maansteen vergroot ook het voorhoofdchakra, waardoor intuïtie en mensenkennis groeien. Ten slotte vergroot maansteen het kruinchakra, wat leidt tot spirituele groei vanuit verbondenheid.
* Maansteen vergroot de vrouwelijke kant, ook bij mannen.
* Maansteen maakt mediamiek. Maansteen is verbonden met de maan, de maancycli, de zee met haar getijden eb en vloed. Een meditatie met maansteen tijdens volle maan vergroot de intuïtie en helderziendheid.
* Het dragen van een sieraad met maansteen zuivert de emotionele laag van de aura en helpt emotionele uitbarstingen af te remmen.
* Maansteen maakt tevreden en blij, en kalmeert en troost verharde en verbitterde mensen.http://www.semoea.nl

So let’s make a dream come true.



woke up this morning

not feeling very well

a lot of aches everywhere

top to toes tension

the urge to paint





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