“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ~ C.G. Jung
Since my last coaching I keep coming across new keys and circumstances that trigger old wounds and living conditions. Always when the inner child is involved I have tangible tiny hands like a child. I can feel it when I put my hands in front of my face. Today I had the experience also and already wondered what was going on. This afternoon I surfed LinkedIn and came across an article about feedback by Susanne Baalman and, as a matter of fact, it offered a key insight.
To explain why, I have to tell something about my childhood. When being a little child, I lived an overprotective life.When school started, my mother checked my homework, later also my knitting and sewing chores and my craft projects. Most of the time she wasn’t satisfied and did my homework over. She even spend a whole night knitting because the pullover I knit was not to her liking. Had a hard time at school because I could not explain the knitting pattern.
When reading the article mentioned above, a lot fell into place. Growing up like this must have left me insecure as the article states. Negative feedback doesn’t work.
The idea behind the feedback is, that you get insight and it can bring improvement and behavior change. This is counterproductive state David Rock in his book “Your brain at work”. He describes that giving feedback is often no effective way to bring about change. In fact, he gives numerous neurological and physiological explanations why a more appreciative manner of approach, especially in this era in which humanity is found more and more important, is many times more effective. According to Rock there are two types of responses to an experience. The so-called pull back (at threat) or a forward movement (in reward). The brain causes a pulling motion with exciting, dangerous or threatening situations……..Neuroscientists have shown that physical threats and social threats such as feedback, can provoke the same reaction.
Because I am a blood type O person the flight modus went on the past weeks.
The legacy of your Type O ancestry causes an immediate “fight or flight” response in people of this blood type. However, this finely tuned response to stress, so vital in early Type O’s, is not always so beneficial in modern times.
The article also talk about the childhood influences on the development of either a fixed mind or a growth mind.
Strongly controlling parents, who act limiting and protective and do tasks themselves with words like “you are not able to do it” you are to small, not intelligent enough, …fill in more of the same” they unintentionally develop a child with a fixed mindset.
Creativity dies a young death.
Almost all quarrels and mixed emotions of the past 6 weeks come from this root, the inner child took the upper hand when meeting similar experiences. I got more and more nervous and insecure. Getting this insight, I am able now to take back the reign and reassure my inner child with understanding and in a loving way, restoring faith and trust. The adult stand up and continue the path to autonomy and self-government.