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The adult

Painted a background for the butterfly on cardboard and let it dry in the hot sun. When fetching it, I saw a figure, maybe thanks to my imagination, but I saw it. ‘That is the adult’ went through my head and I made a picture.

adult

A lady with a white dress, a colored mantle and an abundant hat. When my butterfly was fixed on the background I started adobe my lady with a lot of pleasure.

adult totaal 2

Now you see the adult in a white dress with a red mantle, a turquoise mantle, the dark lady and the golden lady.

In the early morning today, a Hades Full Moon occurred bringing heavy energy and lesson for all of us. And, like always on my path, I had scheduled a coaching session for myself already and right in time.

After the mother-child painting, see https://redskywalkeronearth.wordpress.com/2015/06/12/mothers-daughters/ , now I’m heading towards being a fully adult person. You may ask how that is possible at the age of 62 and I will answer that in the following.

All my reactions the past days were reactive and overly emotional. I wondered already what was going on. Today we looked at the part which is acting like this and, as a mater of fact, is the neglected child plus the part of the inner child who mothered the neglected part because mother was not available. This nurturing was more of a survival tactic back then and the nurturing part played and still plays, the adult but as a matter of fact is not one of course.

Transition to Adult Life
Under the current universal energy of  todays Hades Full Moon, this two parts show up for being healed. The past days, some doldrums occurred and the fight-flight-freeze modus was back. Strange enough this is also the behavior of blood type O, and I am one.

Inability, anger because of this and sadness about the anger were part of the picture. How to conduct? In my family there was an aversion of being adult. Adulthood, part of the family and ancestors assumed that life had to be all fun, sweetness and airy fairy when being adult, others assumed that adulthood only is bad luck, upheaval and worries.

Neither of them is right, because life is what it is – sometimes great, sometimes shit and sometimes just average. Adulthood means having come to full growth and maturity, taking life as it comes and take action when necessary.

Because of the actual job hunt I’m in, another theme came up – and hit exactly the theme the Full Moon hit my energy – the work area and what is inherited from home around that. Mother all about class and prestige while my dad actually was about performance and achievement, deep down unacknowledged wanting something totally different and to be self-employed. The behavior is deeply imprinted within me and part of me is also like this. As an adult one has, sometimes, to do things less liked, to get to the heart-wished goal. A real turn around for the inner child and the playing adult part in the fight-flight-freeze modus.

From this point we came to the next – I am following the blood type diet which is not really a diet in the common sense but more an eating pattern: eating what is good for you and leave alone what’s not. I have a list of all food not good for me and, as a child, I had to eat all this stuff not good for me and so suffered from all the illness, overweight and fatigue mentioned for my blood type. Even the thyroid problems come from eating the wrong stuff, as does bad blood circulation, arthritis and stomach pain. Even here the playing adult part try to intervene now I am busy to change food and eating habits.

breaking-bad-eating-habits

Until the next session over about 6 weeks I have 2 new assignments:
1. Painting the adult how I see it
2. inner child and mother – thus me and the little one reconnected.

The creative juices kept flowing this morning resulting in a painting and a pendant for a necklace.

light

pendant

Butterfly

Currently, the elder-group of people with memory loss work on art for an exhibition with the theme movement. Other people will also send their work.

Yesterday we painted butterfly’s. Today I made mine at home. During my work with the group I have to help and no time to do what I had in mind.

When the exhibition is opened, I will make some photo’s to share. When I tell now what our plans are for the theme movement, there will be no surprises later on.

But I share my butterfly and some Adobe of it. I like to play with different filters.

vlinder3vlinder6vlinder7Butterfly Animal Totem:  Change, joy and color

It is the symbol of the soul. They remind us that life is a dance, not to take things quite so seriously. They also remind us to get up and move. Dance brings the sweetness of life. Butterflies bring color and joy to your life. Look at them and remember what joy is in your life, if it’s a lot or a little, it is still joy. They teach us that growth and transformation does not have to be traumatic; it can occur gently, sweetly, and joyfully.

http://linsdomain.com

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ~ C.G. Jung

Wednesday I had to visit the same person I wrote about in my post https://redskywalkeronearth.wordpress.com/2015/05/21/together/.

Against hesitation I spend the visit and, what a surprise, we had a good conversation and fun too. The person has the same age as my late mother would have now. During my life I recognized, that persons from a certain time frame all have the same experiences during life time with small differences but overall the same. When the person told about her life, it could have been my mom talking about her upbring and parents, her marriage, husband and her wishes and work. The rest of the day no pain appeared.

Had a bad night and in the morning I felt like hit by a train. And… that morning, another coaching session was scheduled – lucky me. The process developed slowly, very slowly and we had to face mother and my relationship and connection.
“We were glued to each other!” I said spontaneously. “That’s not healthy!What else…” So we got deeper. We came to food I recently started eating: oatmeal. I had told by an email about a food book I read recently and that, when trying to eat oatmeal, a very comfy feeling came over me like home when I was a kid. ” An old trigger to keep you connected to mother.”  So first thing out the oatmeal.The birds had a great time eating it.

Here my stomach began to hurt like hell. “I’m angry! I suppose.” “No, only partly yours. What you feel is your mother’s anger and stomach.” My mother died of stomach cancer. From there we came to my thyroid and the anti-thyroid-peroxidase antibodies which will demolish the thyroid. Antibodies come up when one is angry at oneself, or,  like my mother always, want to die.

“What do you blame yourself for?” ” There are some things, ehm…nothing come to mind in connection with mother.” I said. But during further conversation we got to it: If I let go of the connection with mother, still intact despite the fact she died 45 years ago, I abandon her – feeling – so I carry on being connected.

The process about connecting male and female energy within is doing just fine and because I keep saying that I will do it my way from now on, the connection has to be cut but then what?

Assignment: make a painting how a good connection between mother and daughter looks for you, without glueing together.

There we stopped because that was what had to be done, said. We made a new appointment.Some of the things that came up during the coaching I already said yesterday but in connection with regard to the person I had visited Wednesday.

Today I bought the frame and this afternoon I started painting. It is my family line of woman and you can see where it started, left side, and with which hurdles. The last pair is supposed to be my mother and me and from there, everything is going to be different and open for the next generations.

mother and daughter in good relationship 1

The telephone rang – my daughter – healings always work. She was always fighting me like my mother fought with her mother and so on in a long row. Down here, you see the tool with pure mother-energy.

moederenergie

Wax on

With the group we did some encaustic art with the usual colored wax.

encausticbox

People enjoyed doing it, because it is just doing without thinking and above all, making a painting without the thought ‘what the hack is this supposed to be’. Here are mine.

encaustic mei grot

encaustic mei kind

The other activities supervisor had bought some wax crayons to try if they could be used for this technique too. Wax crayons are cheaper than the original encaustic colored wax. Because we didn’t have enough time to try it, she gave the crayons to me with the words ‘ try it at home and tell me afterwards.encaustic box 2

I had my doubts if wax crayons would work, but tried in the weekend…with a normal iron…. on steam…

There are some holes in it for the steam to come out.  But what the hack let’s try.

Gosh what mess that got and it took a while to clean the iron after this ‘trial and error test ‘ with wax crayons. They work, although  the colors are not that bright as the real encaustic wax. See for yourself.

wax crayons

Ironing laundry is mission impossible right now.

Together

It all started yesterday while working. When I came home tremendous pain set in in my right ankle. For at least 1 hour I wasn’t able to walk properly.
I went to bed early after a good shower. Felt asleep immediately.

At 2 o’clock I woke up to drink something and a bathroom visit. After that, new pain came in – this time around my stomach and
gullet. Up again for some chamomile with honey, but the pain stayed. Until 5 o’clock I struggled with it and it finally stopped. Back to bed to try again, but no sleep would come. At 6 o’clock I stopped this wrestling  and started the day, wondering what might had occurred during the night. For today a coaching session was planned for 11:30 o’clock – again right in time as always. Until then I had the urge to clean the whole house inside out and all my tools had to be in nature for at least an hour to recharge connection. When putting back the tools into the basket I hesitated with 2 tools to put them back also. I put them on the table next to the phone – just in case they might have to do something with the process I’m obviously in.
Precisely at 11 o’clock I finished the cleaning and washing, made some beverages and called my counselor.

“Just wait, I have the feeling we are not quite there.” she said so I told her what had happened yesterday and tonight and that I have the feeling this is all about the process that started when looking in the mirror this person held up for me at work. Silence and then there came “YES, you’re right. What does it tell about you what happened yesterday?” My struggle started but I had some answers. The mirror from yesterday was too much for the inner boy, therefore the pain in the right leg. And old points of view men and woman see each other and therefore still don’t work together. Anger came up together with sorrow – my anger and old sorrow from the ancestor line. The deeper we came the more angry I got.

Men don’t accept their female side and woman pick male energy from their spouse instead of developing it in themself. In my ancestor line the woman only wanted strong male energy, got disappointed, took the male energy they could get from their men and developed the energy the wrong way, so do men. Here the tools I kept apart came into play.

left leg

This is my left leg as tool made a long time ago. The black gem on the foot was already off due to a healing with my friend and shaman André de Vos. Now we had to look at the swollen ankle and the red shoe and the bow the leg makes. When I lie down the left leg never is totally straight. This bow today had to be done as bowing towards the male energy my inner woman still abhors…..grrrr…. “I don’t have to get on my knees? Just bow? ” I asked.  “Not on your knees, only bow. On your knees is like being overruled and you don’t want or like that.”

Here I remembered the two swords I made, also a long time ago – my male and female swords.

together2

The red one is the male sword. Now suddenly the healing began. It was a sort of family constellation work. I had to take the red sword and lay it on the ground. Then I had to bow and say:”I give your energy room in me!”
backstabbing pain arouse around the heart area on my back. “Don’t pay attention to it, it distracts you from the healing you’re about to create. The ancestors try to pull you back. Keep saying that you give room to your male energy in yourself.”

Hell on my back. Then I said “I love you and you are beautiful!” Tears in my eyes – the old sorrow left the building. I had the idea to take the sword up with my right hand and with my left hand I took the white/silver sword. “What words come up within you now, you have to change the sentence.” ” I love us!” I said and immediately the backstabbing pain got worse. I turned around – showed the swords and said: “That the way I’m gonna do it – leave me alone. You can look how I do it but that’s all.” The pain lessened. I turned around , crossing the swords on my back and took some steps forward. The pain stopped.Er was much more but I keep some parts to myself.

The old leg and the old female energy tool had to be burned.

old pattern feminine energy

I have to drink lot’s of water and take a walk.

First I biked to the store and bought a fire bowl to burn the old tools. Had to walk home with the big box because it did not fit on the bike. I put it together and got the fire started – ashes to ashes.

vuurschaal

I’m feeling fine now. Every time the pulling at my back starts I take the swords and repeat the words. Will take some time but again I got rid of a part of old family energy I’m carrying ever since I was born and was healing piece for piece the past 25 years. I feel the load on my shoulders is getting lighter every time.

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