Helpless

The next step in this journey to wholeness is the recognition of helplessness. In this new togetherness, on the new path into the unknown, the feeling is helpless. Helpless on how, when, where and with wat to proceed. Only certain thing is movement, going forward with baby steps. As a matter of fact I found this helplessness again while studying this book. It is a normal reaction at this point of the process.

The book further stated that undissolved trauma has impact according to the information about the polyvagal theory by Porges in Dutch A lot of what I found I can place.

If this defensive energy is not discharged in action, it continues to build up and can be experienced in the body as hypertonia, stiffness of joints and rigidity during movement, among other things as a result of reduced coordination (motor control impairment). In addition to a mental component, trauma also has a physical component.
The muscle tension that arises is often a trigger that in turn keeps the sympathetic system active again.

Thus, a chronic vicious circle of mobilization can arise, which in the long run will lead to activation of the immobilization subsystem (unmyelinated vagus). Outwardly one is active and present, but internally a state of exhaustion arises: chronic daydreaming, indifference, depression, shame, self-hatred and finally total ‘switch-off’: and hypo-arousal with a lowered heart rate. Women generally show more of the dorsal vagus response and men show more of the sympathetic response under stress.

So instead of another big canvas I had to see how to paint this helplessness. I took a small canvas because some parts feel small due to helplessness. But there is movement somehow.

 

Pushing through 2 – letting go

Pushing through

After the painting you see here a long time nothing happened.  This was the way I felt.

During those weeks I made a new tool – the womb with a baby

and painted and drew from new art challenges on Twitter. One of them was this one.

From here the story started again as I learned. Here the transition is to see, the cleaning from the past. Also you see that to the left 2 angels are in close proximity – they are frustrated by the fact that the 4th one, the male part, has to join too. The reason for this lies in the fact of the lost twin-brother during pregnancy and the anger about left alone and clear the job all by myself. After the cleaning the 3 ladies are more united but still on distance to the boy. During pregnancy a lot more happened in the womb of mother I will not tell. Due to this a part of me shut down. Recent scientific research showed that baby do not only take over from mother during the 9 months and also from father even during conception but also send from its own energy to mother if mother is not well.  After all the stress in the womb and a life threatening birth a trauma was manifested and survival strategy took over. Now in joint togetherness like an omelet the parts are feeling helpless on how to go through but they have and with the boy too. That is what the full moon painting of April 16, tells.

Fun fact was a comment on Twitter by @Ovalfuenf about this painting which was absolutely right as I know now. Even the colors are suiting.

Omelet : sweet, round, promising: it will come, the beautiful, the new that will be thrown into your lap. Look up, look further, feel. Omelet’s energy gives just the push needed, let feelings flow freely, remove blockages, bring yourself in, let your energy flow freely, joy in one’s own strength, health, purple and yellow joy, step into the meadow of life , in the flow of happiness. Short summery from the book Horn of plenty by Christiane Beerlandt

The anger about the lost twin-brother went into a painting about rage.

Today I tried the first step through but are left with a feeling that this is not completely it. So I suppose there will be another one coming through.

 

 Hope dies last.

Another bear & owl

Today again a zoom-meeting of https://bearwithme.today/. After the first exercise I had the feeling of a pillar vertical through me and the word STILL. We sat down to write it down and then scribble around the word whatever your hand wanted to do. I choose the colors blindly and let my hand have its way.

Second time the exercise in reverse. The word await came up and then we had to choose a bear and an owl going with it from photos shown to us.

Surprisingly we all choose the same bear and owl although drawn with other surrounding and word. But as a matter of fact it seemed we are all awaiting something…..After the meeting I worked a bit on my drawings and put them together because that made sense to me.

 

Bear & owl

Today I did the Constant Bear and the Looking Owl on my own without the group of https://bearwithme.today/ . The owl was sitting on the left arm of the bear at the end. They both said hi while I was doing the exercise. Afterwards I tried to draw what I saw. Here is the exercise

Tao, Yin Yang Breath and the Constant Bear and the Looking Owl

Here my bear with owl.

Bear with me today again

Again a meeting to do the bear & owl with a group again. After the first part with the bear & owl exercise I saw my womb and there was the word YOU. We sat down to wrote our word and than making the first drawing. Did that with my eyes closed and to my surprise it was a bit of the womb.

The second time we do the exercise backwards. Wait if there is a word or a picture coming up. My word were TOGETHER. We sat down again to draw one of the bears shown that suited either the word or the drawing and after that one of the owls shown. I like to do all the exercise on the same paper.

The bear steady holds the womb like a flower and the wisdom owl is in the womb – her home base.

Maybe you like to sign up too for next time at:

https://bearwithme.today/

Bear with me today

The 1st time I joined the ‘ bear with me ‘

You do Tai Chi exercise bear & owl look if a word comes up and write down after the exercise and draw what your hands want. Then again exercise, this time backwards and see if another word or image comes up – then write it down or draw.

After that, you get pictures of bear and draw the one that suites your word and then you get owl pictures and draw the one that suites. ‘No word’ came up and my hand started drawing lines.

After the second time of exercise I saw the red space and painted it over the lines. Than the bear and after that the owl. The owl is landing and the bear is underway. The red space is not a sun but the 1st chakra. Why? During the exercise there was the hurt and action.

Here is my drawing.

 

https://bearwithme.today/

Under Attack

UKRAINE

Suddenly

Yesterday evening was, once again, a rare one. With dusk I fell quiet, a tense feeling came up. Felt burdensome and after a few hours in this feeling suddenly the urge to paint. With both hands, choosing the colors and where to put them without looking and let the hands choose their way. Here the result. Have to feel that through.

 

Incoming

Emotion Frequency