Today another stepping stone on the way was seen. The adolescent was willing and ready to have a close view. Two things came up for more insight.
she reject herself. “There is this almost Venus of Willendorf figure…” she said. Of course there is more than the outer figure – she just cannot see right. She still is looking through the eyeglasses of mother. She is still trying to meet this view. It’s like a cocoon mother wove around the original me. This is one of the reasons for the Willendorf. Other reason is, that when we reject parts of ourselves because of whatsoever, we feel bad about our self and the body follows – we blow our self up like a balloon. Me plus others pictures about me will get a big me in the end if the adolescent is trying to be them all. Question rising now is: what is my picture of me without mothers view on /about me. What picture am I allowed to have. First thing the adolescent said:” I don’t know, really. Cannot possibly imagine!” May take some time to let her figure out.
She asked when something can be done finally on the female line she still is chained too with all pains on the left side of the body involved. On the question “What do you think you are?” she laughed. She does not see herself as a woman. Because of the balancing act to meet all family expectations and manage school she was supposed to get a good degree, the head took over and the female side was put away. Tip here was to go and start drawing Mandalas.
This is another layer of me being woven together with mother. This manifest as pain in the left shoulder and my left elbow. The elbows are our compass to navigate our path and when woven together with someone else, the compass cannot work.
The next balancing act was a bit confusing. When she is supposed to stand up for herself that is not done. Still feeling under the overall control from the parents she experienced and afraid of punishment. She also think that, when being on earth to help other people, you have to endure. Her Holiness is not allowed to stand up for herself, to have own boundaries. This conglomerate happens to stop the inner man from taking appropriate action. When I do take such a step my right ankle is hurting and it’s almost impossible to walk straight.
The adolescent now can chew on those new insights, drawing her own picture and throw off the cocoon. This all in a mild and loving way. No blame anymore.