It all started yesterday while working. When I came home tremendous pain set in in my right ankle. For at least 1 hour I wasn’t able to walk properly.
I went to bed early after a good shower. Felt asleep immediately.
At 2 o’clock I woke up to drink something and a bathroom visit. After that, new pain came in – this time around my stomach and
gullet. Up again for some chamomile with honey, but the pain stayed. Until 5 o’clock I struggled with it and it finally stopped. Back to bed to try again, but no sleep would come. At 6 o’clock I stopped this wrestling and started the day, wondering what might had occurred during the night. For today a coaching session was planned for 11:30 o’clock – again right in time as always. Until then I had the urge to clean the whole house inside out and all my tools had to be in nature for at least an hour to recharge connection. When putting back the tools into the basket I hesitated with 2 tools to put them back also. I put them on the table next to the phone – just in case they might have to do something with the process I’m obviously in.
Precisely at 11 o’clock I finished the cleaning and washing, made some beverages and called my counselor.
“Just wait, I have the feeling we are not quite there.” she said so I told her what had happened yesterday and tonight and that I have the feeling this is all about the process that started when looking in the mirror this person held up for me at work. Silence and then there came “YES, you’re right. What does it tell about you what happened yesterday?” My struggle started but I had some answers. The mirror from yesterday was too much for the inner boy, therefore the pain in the right leg. And old points of view men and woman see each other and therefore still don’t work together. Anger came up together with sorrow – my anger and old sorrow from the ancestor line. The deeper we came the more angry I got.
Men don’t accept their female side and woman pick male energy from their spouse instead of developing it in themself. In my ancestor line the woman only wanted strong male energy, got disappointed, took the male energy they could get from their men and developed the energy the wrong way, so do men. Here the tools I kept apart came into play.
This is my left leg as tool made a long time ago. The black gem on the foot was already off due to a healing with my friend and shaman André de Vos. Now we had to look at the swollen ankle and the red shoe and the bow the leg makes. When I lie down the left leg never is totally straight. This bow today had to be done as bowing towards the male energy my inner woman still abhors…..grrrr…. “I don’t have to get on my knees? Just bow? ” I asked. “Not on your knees, only bow. On your knees is like being overruled and you don’t want or like that.”
Here I remembered the two swords I made, also a long time ago – my male and female swords.
The red one is the male sword. Now suddenly the healing began. It was a sort of family constellation work. I had to take the red sword and lay it on the ground. Then I had to bow and say:”I give your energy room in me!”
backstabbing pain arouse around the heart area on my back. “Don’t pay attention to it, it distracts you from the healing you’re about to create. The ancestors try to pull you back. Keep saying that you give room to your male energy in yourself.”
Hell on my back. Then I said “I love you and you are beautiful!” Tears in my eyes – the old sorrow left the building. I had the idea to take the sword up with my right hand and with my left hand I took the white/silver sword. “What words come up within you now, you have to change the sentence.” ” I love us!” I said and immediately the backstabbing pain got worse. I turned around – showed the swords and said: “That the way I’m gonna do it – leave me alone. You can look how I do it but that’s all.” The pain lessened. I turned around , crossing the swords on my back and took some steps forward. The pain stopped.Er was much more but I keep some parts to myself.
The old leg and the old female energy tool had to be burned.
I have to drink lot’s of water and take a walk.
First I biked to the store and bought a fire bowl to burn the old tools. Had to walk home with the big box because it did not fit on the bike. I put it together and got the fire started – ashes to ashes.
I’m feeling fine now. Every time the pulling at my back starts I take the swords and repeat the words. Will take some time but again I got rid of a part of old family energy I’m carrying ever since I was born and was healing piece for piece the past 25 years. I feel the load on my shoulders is getting lighter every time.