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The process involving my grandmother and the influence this had in the female family line that started May,7 with the process painting now has come to closure.

In a former life of the soul of my grandmother happened something involving a child she never forgave herself for. That child passed on her hate towards her mother through the female line. Grandmother in this life still had self hate because of what happened back than. Me, as caring and open to energy’s as I am, took place in the energy of that child and carried it. As matter of fact this prevented me from really loving grandmother despite she being kind of a protecting godmother to me. I also, passed on by my mother, carried the self hate, preventing self love and forgiveness. Bitterness also developed. Had to do a family constellation to give all of it back through the line and I did, creating a barrier towards the old energy’s. Now I, finally, only have my own energy field left.

The process of the painting? To my biggest surprise the painting isn’t, as I thought, about grandmother – it is me. The message came through  my coach Ria Winterman
“There is something you did not see and it is that middle you worked on….in the beginning it is more outgoing, first not rotating at all, then the movement,and in the latter changes you worked back inside and closed with the walnut.Your own process. Back towards you as you are.” Indeed I didn’t see that.

This brings us to the painting made June, 9th
What was made for a Sunday drawing challenge in fact is connected to the process painting. Also the tool I had made ages ago and no idea what fore. The blue painting is the elaboration of what’s behind the walnut in the process painting. I’m very fond of both paintings and they will be framed as soon as possible and the tool somehow with them on the wall. So far what was going on Monday 3rd with the full moon.

Along this 3 month process I happened to get a newsletter of Irida webshop offering Brazilian Rhinestone . One immediately had my attention and I ordered it. Yesterday it arrived and after a long sea salt bath in the full moon it now enliven my altar. To me it look like a man and a woman are hugging. The assignment to do: who I am now and putting that in writing….

 Photo by Hendrik J.J. Meijer

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High heart

Friday, June 5, with the Full Moon,I had signed up for the  Full Moon Webinar with M. v/d Knaap  
Besides some heavy irritation at the beginning, the actual reality within made itself known. Saturday was a day to reboot and process. Sunday there was the usual #ichgebeauf drawing challenge by @kriegundfreitag. This time: let your subconsciousness draw or paint without thinking. I always paint this way when an energy-painting will be made. So no big deal I thought.
Started with blue acrylic paint and let my hands do. Poured water over the canvas, covered with tin foil and let my hands do whatever moves they wanted. The base of the painting. Proceeded with water colors. The middle is made by glue.

A friend of mine saw it and made the connection to a tool I have since forever. Both, the painting and the tool, connect to the high heart mentioned during the webinar. The painting shows the new world in progress – the high heart knows the way.

My son also was fascinated – looks like a map he said and lots of water. He took the photos of both.

 

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Proces painting

As I already thought, my grandmother from mother’s side is involved in the process seen in the paintings of the Lady of the Lake in the post From eye to Avalon.  Had send a request to get her birth certificate in March to have a deeper look at Grandmother. That arrived April, 29. Have been investigating Grandmother with all I can and got a pretty good picture of how she was, how she could have been and why her life was as it was. Simultaneously I got a request to forward a flyer from a friend of a friend who work with a guide and channel messages to your questions. Tried it first, because I want to be sure its worth while. That message arrived May, 4. Some tears but also grumpiness came up. Yesterday I came across the full moon article by Nadia Gilchrist
in which was mentioned that the message one received on May, 4, is part of the full moon, thus the channeling.

Sunday I had already the feeling I had to paint and yesterday bought a big canvas. This afternoon with the full moon I painted. Here it is.

Today, Sunday May 10, followed the feeling that the painting has to change. Removed the feathers and dripped with white all around the painting – but still – this is work in progress I suppose.

Update May 15, 2020:

Out of the blue there suddenly was the ignition to implement the next step to the painting…..

Maybe its Sunday who does it. Today, Sunday, May 17, 2020 I changed the painting again. The middle was annoying – now its a spiral.

Thought the last one was the grande finale but no. Yesterday evening, June,4, the red had to be added.

 

One spot had to be changed and I was not sure which one. Today, Sunday, July 12, I found myself painting again………… The middle ……………Center piece is a walnut!

The Walnut tree is a symbol of intelligence, wisdom, knowledge, and inspiration. It’s synonymous with intellect and mental aptitude – even the nuts resemble the brain! Native Americans see the Walnut as a symbol clarity and focus, gathering of energy, and beginning new projects. https://www.northwoodrings.com Further the Walnut’s symbolism is home.

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Yesterday had a lot of drawing challenges. 1: @StudioTeaBreak ‘s Monday #MythicalMashup with DRAGON + TOWER, 2: @AnimalAlphabets #MythicalAlphabet animal for J – Jasconius and we had World Tapir Day. Started with the Jasconius because I felt most attracted to this myth and of course as a turtle.

Jasconius – a fabled sea creature, variously described as a large whale or vast sea turtle with huge spines on the ridge of its back. It is always described as being huge where it is often mistaken for an island and appears to be rocky with crevices and valleys with trees and greenery and having sand dunes all over it.

Turtle – Symbol of the world, of the Earth, Ability to stay grounded, even in moments of disturbances and chaos, slowing down, pacing yourself, determination, persistence, emotional strength and understanding and ancient wisdom

And okay, because my Chinese sign is Dragon – lets draw that dragon having a good time resting on the balcony of a tower.

The Tapir was the last to draw. First I had no intention to do so. But Tapir as an animal totem has much to offer. Didn’t know that one of it’s totem powers is awaken to your magical power. Suits my current inner development so let’s do it. I intuitively drew the tapir with a red vest. The magicians colors are black/red. So now I know why.

Tapir’s wisdom include: toughness, understanding shyness, longevity, connection to the horse and rhinoceros, gentleness, ability to remain unchanged by time, magic.

I use what comes my way as a sign or metaphor, so it was a busy day yesterday.

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From eye to Avalon

Stumbled upon this extra information about the Full Moon April, 8 and it rang a bell somehow.

But first things first. Two weeks ago my neighbor asked me what happened to my left eye. Me having no idea that there was something wrong asked the reason for her question. “it’s all bloody.” Hadn’t noticed in the morning. Must have happened during sleep. Nothing happens without a reason so I looked it up. Being to hard on oneself mixed with unconscious fear. So unconscious, I thought, I even didn’t notice the deep dark red left eye.

We have the Corona Pandemic which is also related, among abuse of power and money or having a victim consciousness, to fear. Fear has an impact on the lungs so I made an appointment with my personal coach.

The message that came through was: ” It’s not fear in the common sense. It’s a family line thing, a fear from way back that went subcutaneously and became suspicion – of people. Originated during the fall of Avalon, went through the black Plague in Venice. Back then the thoughts were: all good is destroyed and all mysticism went locked away – it’s not livable. Groups of people, mysticism, faith and intuitive living got suppressed.”

The hints were already there. The drawing challenge of the knights of the round table and Corona virus I had a whale of a time with. And for another drawing challenge I used my shamanic Venice lady.

This morning the drawing challenge of the Lady of the Lake connected to Avalon too. So it was quite clear that by painting the lady of the Lake, I would be able to open the lock of all spirituality, mysticism, intuition, the other way of living and gaining knowledge again.

Drew two Ladies of the Lake – one for the drawing challenge on Twitter. Afterwards the urge to paint another Lady of the Lake. The one with the sword – giving back strength to the locked themes. The other is painted intuitively – pure water running up and down again with love.

Comment by my coach when seeing the paintings: the first make the break through, the second helps to flow again.

I think it would be good to draw the #AnimalAlphabets Mythical Ijiraq who is a real #shapeshifter and transformation in Inuit mythology.

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I had ordered the writing of Ruth Siegenthaler Das Jahr 2020 – ein epochales Übergangsjahr that gave deep insights into the upcoming months and what to expect and to do. Worth the while reading it, you can order it in the shop of Ruth Siegenthaler.

Jupiter and Pluto are now figuratively initiating a final cleaning by asking us to clear up all the doubts and life lies and to face all the consequences of the truth as it presents itself

A spiritual spring cleaning. Furthermore, among other actions, we go back looking at our inner child and our relation to mother and what is really true. Mother – could write books about all the healing I already faced around my relationship with mother but also with father.

Yesterday a new post by Astrobutterfly was in my mail. Headline was Chiron the wounded healer and the first thought was – not again ….Curious as I am I opened the post nevertheless and found new information.

The Wounded Healer Generation – If you are born between 1950 and 1989 you have Chiron opposite Uranus in your chart!

If a whole generation has this opposition in their natal chart, it must have quite some meaning so I read the post. Interesting indeed. Next question – what does it mean within my personal system and how does it fit into all I already know about me, my past and my purpose in this life?
Came along some interesting websites with more information.

Chiron in houses and sign

Chiron natal aspects

Chiron opposition Uranus

You find your personal information there, if you have your natal chart information where your Chiron and Uranus placements are.

When I learned something during my inner soul journey than it is that everything we meet in life is by our own soul choice to learn the lessons we wanted to learn this time around. Our ‘negative ‘ side attracts some negative experiences so we can learn to move to more positive actions and attract positive people in our life. All children complain and ramble about their youth, their family and their parents, mother or father or both. Necessary to make the break and move into your own life, learn about who you are. Approximately around your 30’s you turn around and have a good look at your ancestral linage.

Is it true what you thought about your parents? Is it true that your experiences in life, your sickness and your mental state is the fault of your family? It isn’t but it takes a lot of guts to let go of your children’s vision of reality and take the truth about you. Parents treat each and every child differently and each and every child in a family complains about other things. Parents do their job as promised long before you were born. When you finally are able to see the true you with all negative and positive you can clearly see the pattern in your family and ancestral linage. Back to Chiron.

My Chiron is in my 10th house in Capricorn and Uranus in my 5th house in Cancer.

information about the houses in Dutch

information about the houses in English

Chiron – Uranus

Core belief: I am different, I don’t belong

Chiron Uranus has a tremendous fear of standing out, a fear of being too unique, too different, too eccentric. The core belief here is “I don’t belong”, and so despite unique gifts and eccentricities which make the person quite talented, there is a consistent reluctance in being oneself, in all of its individuality, as the core belief is that if the person truly shows who they are, they will be ostracized. A Chiron – Uranus person is looking to heal this core belief and display their Uranian gifts, as it is truly by standing out and accepting to be “singled out”, that they will experience a healing of their Chiron.  https://www.lookupthestars.com/post/chiron-in-aspect-in-the-natal-chart

It is true that I was not seen or heard when young. Even when pregnant with me, mother denied being pregnant, the very existing of me, and what I learned later in life, my twin brother who died in the womb during pregnancy. My parents died young. Grandmother was the soothing influence, as were other elderly people in our neighborhood. It is true that I had to struggle to find my place in society. My father did not support me. Took me years to finally know what my purpose in life is and tell it. I disgust people who abuse their authority. I was afraid of the police as a kid. I was forced to follow the ancestral path of being a local government official of the Municipality of Cologne. My father and grandfather worked for the German Postal Service. This was supposed to be a secure job til all eternity. Ultimately life’s experiences forced me to quit the job, sell the family house and I even emigrated to put distance to whatever were. I know and experienced that my calling and purpose in life lies in the field of healing. I am a shaman by nature. In former life’s I worked with herbs. Still have to recall all this knowledge.  I love nature, animals and children to work with. Regarding my parents, I now can see by this final knowledge about Chiron in opposition to Uranus a last missing link to let go of the last bit of anger towards my parents and myself.

Up to now I had resentments about myself for not being where I have to be: a fully working shaman. My truth. We all finally come home, home to ourselves in gratitude and love to our family who gave us life and lessons we needed to learn and break free into the new future.

http://rodehemelwandelaar.nl/

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Next sequel

October, 9, 2014 I painted this:

Sunday, February 9, 2020 I jammed with Henna powder and got this:

They belong together – the Henna Powder Painting is the sequel of the other. Progression.. PS: came around this:

Mercury Rx in Pisces sextile Pallas in Capricorn (12 deg)

This is a continuation of Mercury and Pallas’ first sextile on Feb 9th: “Unstructured ideas are integrated with strategies. The traditional solution is blended with something more whimsical or empathetic. Excellent for grounding hints/dreams in the real world and applying them to something more focused.”

Today, you examine or question the integration of dreams and practical solutions. Look more closely at the whispered translation and be prepared for some revisions. This is not a straightforward process, and it will conclude in April:

Apr 8th: Mercury direct sextile Pallas (26 deg)

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Another weekly drawing challenge on Twitter comes from @studioteabreak – the mythical Mash-up. This time Monster & Garden tool. Looked up mythological monsters and found, among others, the Inuit AMAROK. Instant attraction and I had to draw it. Thought I cannot do it but hé, look at this. Surprised myself.

Why the attraction and the good feeling about the Amarok? I looked up the Inuit Mythology and found this:

An Aamarok, or Aamaroq, is a gigantic wolf in Inuit mythology. Amarok’s hunt alone. Danish geologist and Greenlandic scholar Hinrich Johannes Rink reported that the Greenlandic Inuit reserve the word amarok exclusively for this legendary wolf, whereas other Arctic peoples use it to refer to any wolf.
In his book Tales and Traditions of the Eskimo, Rink recounts several folk legends that feature the Amarok.

In one tale, a persecuted and physically stunted boy seeks to increase his strength. When he calls out to the lord of strength, an Amarok appears and wrestles him to the ground with its tail. This causes a number of small bones to fall from the boy’s body. The Amarok tells the boy that the bones had prevented his growth; he instructs the boy to return daily in order to develop his strength. After several days of wrestling with the Amarok, the boy is strong enough to overcome three large bears, thus gaining him the esteem of his village.

We all wrestle with our own Amarok – life’s twist and turns and lose some ‘bones’ and shed a skin while doing so. Facing your weaknesses brings insights, experience and wisdom. It makes you stronger by the day. That Mystical drawing challenge wasn’t that far fetched. By wrestling with your demons and life’s curve balls, you also take care of your spiritual garden. Just because you are following your Soul path when doing the right thing.  For me personally, my male energy could use a boost. Beside that I love wolves. The upcoming astrological constellations show that Mars will become prominent…. 

As I already know: what I like or find beautiful I can draw and it’s for a good reason.

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The fish

More then a week has passed by without knowing how to make the fish I talked about in my previous blog. Wednesday, January 22, I had an idea for the fin. I covered the roots with transparent foil and glued it together. Scrubbed pastels in blue and white over the fin which stayed due to the glue. To press it tightly together, I used a framed canvas. To my surprise I got a wonderful print.

Wednesday evening I finally got rid of the little long branches that bothered me. Thursday finally the inspiration hit and I started working on the fish.

Today, Saturday 25, the final touches and here is the fish.

This photo placed on a water blue background. Next is the ‘head’ of the fish.

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conclusions

Let’s start with the paintings of  New Years Eve Rorschachtest   and    January 1st Rorschachtest

Except the dancing, which is true, there is the holy matrimony of inner woman and man. Also right in the middle, there is the spine. Left and right, down and above, everything comes together as it is supposed to be within. The January 1st color jamming shows something more in-depth and tells about layers. The comment made by @kritzelich is right, concerning the chicken. Concerning the owl, its not but a fish.Here the symbolism of both.

When the chicken spirit crosses your path, know that it brings good luck and prosperity, indicates overall good health for you and your loved ones. The chicken totem is your potent protector when it comes to negative energies that threaten to enter your world

Fish
When fish spirit comes into your life, it gives you a very powerful connection with the Water element.
This is the element of mystery and creativity. The fish spirit animal plays an important role in your subconscious. It helps you to make powerful decisions that affect your waking life in a very positive way.
The world below carries a lot of mystery. The fish spirit guide helps you to dig beneath the surface to conceal knowledge that is usually not seen.
For you, the fish is a symbol of what’s obscure on your life. These things prevail in most of your activities.
The fish spirit water enhances your level of fertility and femininity. Also, it enables you to enjoy prosperity and good luck.

The symbolism connected to my inner reality means that the chicken was set as disguise and protection for the spiritual fish until the fish is strong enough to come to the fore. He is looking in the mirror and sees the chicken he is not.Also suiting the chicken spirit connection to the bunch of fears I had when really young and my victim mentality because chicken were seen as holy and used as offer to the gods.It is time now to let go of the chicken (shit) shield and come to terms with the fish, my real me. I have to make a fish tool. The branches I happened to find as usual right in time.

Now we come to the drawing and painting you can see in Saturn-Pluto-Conjunction
Lets start with the symbolism of the penguin and the whale.

Whale  is the symbol of good luck. It symbolizes limitless creativity that will make all your biggest dreams possible.  The whale represents your intuition and awareness that guide you to make the best decisions. The whale is commonly associated with emotion, inner truth, and creativity.
Physical and emotional healing
Keeper of history
Importance of family and community
Emotional rebirth
Peaceful strength
Communication

Penguin’s symbolism The period of darkness that you’ve been experiencing is now ending. There is light at the end of this tunnel!
Penguin is reminding you that although things may seem chaotic right now, there is a definite order in this chaos. Thus it is important to realize that by continually moving forward with your plans and dreams and handling each small piece as it comes up. The most chaotic time always is just before a big breakthrough happens. Just keep flexible and remain centered within yourself so that you can keep moving forward. Believe that you have a good connection between the physical and the spiritual ( painting of New Years Eve) and that you will naturally know what to do next.

As I already assumed, the swollen leg of the penguin is connected to my inner, and unfortunately also outer, reality. My left ankle….the lower leg. There some old fears around the talents of the fish are hiding as well as anger for what could have been but was not, some guilt trip over old faults despite knowing that everybody makes faults during the growing up learning of life route. What has the whale got to do with this? He is not flying by, looking depressed or angry. No, he cannot swim further because there is no doorway yet for the emotional rebirth. This symbolism suites the actual supporting energy’s – we are all on our way through the door to our new us, our new life but don’t find the path yet. That’s how I actually feel, besides a little bit disgruntled.

The grande finale therefore is the painting of the shedding dragon – liberation and freedom.

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