Archive for the ‘healing’ Category


Had an ultrasound done on my knee. I wanted to know if there is something else going on the X-ray does not show. Had to pay it myself. Looked at the screen while the physician was busy. Suddenly, almost in the middle of the knee something like a dolphin came.When I said something about it he admitted that this spot indeed looks like a dolphin. Unfortunately I did not get a print. For the rest, the pain comes due to the edema which narrows the place of the meniscus. The dolphin in the knee – fascinating. Today I tried to draw what I saw on the ultrasound.

Last year I made a tool with the energy of knee and it looks like what I saw on the ultrasound and tried to draw.

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Just two articles by Nina Elshof , crossed my path. They both shed more light on the element wood. Wood is my personal element because I’m a 3-4-4 person in Fengshui.

family and element wood

element wood as solution

Family is your root system you came from. Family can be a blessing or hell and all in between. Born into the family system, as a child, you live by the rules of this system. Believe it or not, this system is a perfect mirror of traits you also carry. Looking into the mirror can be devastating and some of the traits you then want to change. All humans are born to develop and change what no longer serve.

Family is the square to stability, change put it all into the spiral of ever ongoing change. Bloodlines can never be broken – that is true. Nevertheless within families there are always some members called the black sheep.

I had an uncle nobody spoke of. I cannot remember how I found the man but I did when I was around 10 years old or so. He was a very nice man, had a lovely wife and, most important to me, he was a musician. Back then he gave me a clarinet as a present. When I came home all hell broke loose because I found and visited the man. Nobody would answer my questions about WHY on earth he was the black sheep. 40 years later I found that the clarinet is my instrument. Unfortunately that clarinet was gone.

I had a hard time to detach from the family. The best action ever was to sell the house where 3 generations lived their conflicts. Up to now nine re-locations followed and I still have not found the final destination.

                                                                      charlie mackesy

When my own children were born all I learned in the family system came back and I did my best to change their ways into mine. Took years of learning, psychologically, by books, in groups and with family constellation work. Every new thing was implemented gladly.

Of course there is more to the equation. Each child has his/her own package and experienced family life different. With three of them there are quarrels. I keep in mind that blood lines never break and maybe, some day…..

There also is the fact, that one can have two family’s. Some souls are supposed to find their soul family, other than the own family. Above this, a soul can be born into a family because the soul has karmic obligations to one or both of the parents. When the obligation is fulfilled, the child may break with the family of origin for all time despite the blood lines. Experienced this too.

We need the square to live our life, that is matter, earth,  but if you stay in square only and forever, you dig yourself a rut. Change is the only way to live your life in a happy and healthy way. Living square make the body sick in the end. You need heaven and earth. Even in this context there are two possibility’s: you are a square person, only interested in the material world or a person who only live in ether. Both miss the other end of the rope. Therefore the only complete human is the one Leonardo Da Vinci draw – here in a suitable version because change till eternity like time goes on and on…..


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Church Rules

Maybe you remember the Pillow Devils. Had them removed by operation and on the left they came back again. Should have known what was going on but I was completely occupied with my legs, above all the left one and the knee. For a year I was sent from doctor to doctor, to physiotherapist to finally the pain specialist because nothing changed and I got different diagnosis. I called it diagnosis bingo. The pain consultant send me for more examination to a specialized physiotherapist and an edema therapist. The first one measured the leg, looked at the difference with the right leg, concluded inflammation in the knee due to edema. The edema therapist concluded, after one look, that there was partial lip edema. The leg got taped in a special way and I have to see a specialized physiotherapist/edema therapist for treatment. In the meantime the pillow devils on the left ear got treated as well.Informed my general practitioner about the diagnosis after 1 year of not being helped and he asked for an appointment.

To my surprise he said: ” In April the dermatologist already mailed me about the partial lip edema.” ” I know nothing about lip edema, and you sent me to all the other doctors.” I got angry. “Then you have to talk to the dermatologist. he answered, this is not my fault.” I called the dermatologist and he wanted to talk about it personally. Called my coach to tell her about this new circumstances. She just wanted to call me too about a new appointment. this was planned right before the conversation with the dermatologist. And now fasten seat belt – here it comes.

The pillow devils back again thus the nun, I was in more than one life, is still in action and a negative influence on the edema and partial lip edema. The church imprint about guilt and repentance.She has the conviction that life is all about guilt and repentance. All the work for growth, new insights and cleaning old harm and wounds – her idea of repentance. Due to her working in my energy field I still toss around my own “guilt” around the faults I made in this life. It all has to go and so will the water in my body. She also has the conviction that if she let go of the guilt and repentance scenario I will loose the connection to my “good” part, the knowledge of the soul and all I gained in past life. So now I’m convincing her about this new view for 3 days in a row already. The pain on the left side ear diminished already. the conversation with the dermatologist went very well. He apologized and will change a few things around the handling of edema patients. The info I got around lip edema gave some extra insights. Hormones are part of the puzzle. When pregnant with my first two children, girls, I had the same problems. And lip edema is also hereditary. All the women on both sides had legs like tree trunks… Good action would be swimming – will do next year. Also acupuncture is recommended because my body reacts better to alternative treatments.

Suiting also the text for the Full Moon . The more because my personal profile is 3-4-4 so finally the grown up wood coming to action.

Next thing is, that I still carry the war experiences of parents and grand parents. But thirst things first.



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New root

After a long zone of nothing and still being busy with the legs …. Sunday I found a root when cycling home.

When I find a new branch or root, I know that new movement is around the corner. This time the movement was coming fast because of a conversation with my doctor. Will tell more about it next week because of more conversations to come with different doctors around diagnoses….over a span of 1 painful year.

In the meantime I started working on the root and yesterday finished it.Took some sanding and removing of the bark.

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Yesterday afternoon the inspiration to paint. After a short meditation I choose to use the sentence that give one roots: I am <your full birth name> born on <date> at <birthtime>

Started painting, choosing the colors with eyes closed and painted. Everything is done with eyes closed – this way the soul can take over to show what needs to be shown. When no more colors or moves to be made the painting was finished.

I saw the rest colors on the plate. Took a new paper and put it on the plate, pressed it down and made a turn with it. Another painting was born.

When seeing what came out I had to put the two together. It’s like me and him….

After all was done I draw cards – one for the inner child and one for the grown-up….amazing.

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This is a guideline from Carol Ann Ciocco for the Venus retrograde and the timeline for the second half of 2018. Rang a bell ….

VENUS Rx following MARS Rx

Over the summer of 2018 – across the tumultuous span of a Triple Eclipse /Triple Super New Moon portal – we experienced Mars Retrograde which was partly simultaneous with Mercury Retrograde.

With Mars Retrograde, we identified a goal-template, action plan or ‘Mission statement’ if you will. We may not have done this consciously (most of us probably didn’t); however the circumstances of our life brought forth the quandaries and blocks, the emotional outbursts, ah-ha’s and deep knowing that created a sense of what ‘go’ means for us.

I.e. at the end of August you said to yourself “In September I am going to do (this). It’s time. It’s what I want to do”. And then you most likely came up with a couple of action steps to take, which you may have taken. But most likely, the plan you came up with has sort of died on the vine. Maybe your energy bottomed-out in September. Don’t beat yourself up for that. It is right on target with the arc of energy that is happening now.
You see, we are now in the midst of Venus Retrograde – it began on October 5 and remains through November 16. The ‘aura’ of Venus Retrograde was very present in September.
The timing opens up the opportunity for a real and essential soul-searching that will have a profound effect on our life path. The back-to-back timing of Mars and Venus Retrograde is kind of like a 6 month Tony Robbins seminar where the pumped-up tele-guru asks: WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO CREATE THE LIFE YOU DESIRE???

With Venus Retrograde you will discover the core values that will en-spirit into your newly decided vehicle. Mars is the fuel. Venus is the GPS. The timing is excellent.
In addition, Mercury Retrograde weaves through this process in a way that is almost symphonic. Mars and Mercury Rx overlapped during the summer; and Venus and Mercury Rx will have a precise hand-off or baton pass on November 16, 2018 – creating an elegant gateway and overlap between the energies.

Here’s the rhythm:
Mars Retrograde – June-August = Will
Mercury Retrograde – July-August = Mind alignment with Will
Venus Retrograde – October-November = Heart
Mercury Retrograde – Nov-Dec = Mind alignment with Heart

Put another way:
What do I want?
I make up my mind about it
What do I value?
I think with my heart to navigate

And another way:
How can I get what I want?
A new state of mind is necessary
Where am I out of alignment with my desire?
For answers, I soften my mind with creative awareness

You will then synthesize and align this trinity of awareness for a new outlook on the who what when where and why of your life, beginning in January/February 2019.

As I said above: You have a vehicle (your life). Mars is the fuel. Venus is the GPS.

So, from October-December, it’s time to think about all of these things (and the info in my previous posts on Mars Retrograde) and see what comes forth in the way of a master plan and new vision for your life going forward.
For now, nothing to worry about except navigating the annual hectic end-of-year holiday rush. But please do pay attention to your internal process – triggered, as always, by those things in our lives that stir us up. That is the data to mine to emerge more enlightened about your journey.

Here are some purely academic exercises for you to work with between now and the end of the year.

Mars Rx – Goals
develop an intentional and clear vision including:
personal values (see below)
personal definition of success
unique talent

To help with this, here are some questions to ask yourself. These questions come from astrologer Phillip Sedgewick:

1. Review all standard modes of action for alignment with the intended result. You know, is your approach compelling or off-putting? Can you get more bears with honey than vinegar? And, why do you want bears?
2. Consider if those things you unconsciously seek actually fit your big picture aspirations and dharmic claims.
3. Establish a highly motivated engine burn for all things that summon your attention and passionate creativity.
4. Pause in the face of knee-jerk reactions prior to responding.

Venus Rx – Values
what matters most to you
what you want your life to look like
how you want to feel
what brings you joy, peace, satisfaction
What makes you happiest? – Working with others?
Being in nature? Hitting deadlines? Having personal freedom?
Come up with some key words…

Values keywords Example:

To help with this process, here are some questions. These questions come from astrologer Phillip Sedgewick:

1. Ask yourself what you truly need.

2. Contemplate your resources, merit and worth, both tangible and intangible.

3. Value your intangible resources with greater ferocity than the tangible. After all, those things intangible and of your nature will never go away unless you ignore them.

4. Establish your personal criteria for what is it you need, what is it you want, and the justification system in place regarding both.

5. Determine your place in the social structure of life. Cut out things that do not fit. Include yourself in supportive and stimulating circles.

The process will unfold (unconsciously), even if you don’t sit down and work with it, meditate with it. But if you do consciously engage, you will reap great rewards, both within your life and for your spiritual evolution.

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Yesterday started making this new tool. It’s made of a branch of fig tree and the little hats from the first acorns my home-grown oak tree delivered after 6 years. The little hats look like little satellite dishes.Colors purple and silver.

Fig tree: initiation old school, enlightenment. Acorns and Oak: The oak forms is the gateway to the Other World. The tree shows the extent to which you have confidence in following your path and your life destination. Element is air. Acorns are abundance. In the past, the value of the forest land was determined by the number of pigs that could be fed by the oak on that land.

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