Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

The Wound

Tuesday I had another session with Annelies Beschoor-Plug, the psychosomatic physiotherapist. Her right hand underneath me on my back where you see the red spot.

Her left hand went along my left side like the line I drew on the painting.

Very painful. At a certain point, I heard her saying: ” It’s empty here now, come back here.” I noticed that all my attention was at her hand on my back. I did not feel a hand but like this

The red spot is our backdoor – a central point were our nerves come together and on energetic level it’s the door the soul enters her home the heart. If you happen to experience something nasty, painful et cetera, you may feel itching at this spot. Than you try to escape threw the back-door. Annelies locked this with her hand. My being was trying to get out. I felt panic and I was short of breath. Along the black line, you see on the painting, it felt as if there was a wall, the entrance to a cave. The whole afternoon, after this session, I was panicking and short of breath.

Wednesday all of a sudden I felt more alive and stronger in my legs then quite some time. I had a lot to do and everything could be done fast. The afternoon a sleepy energy and I went to bed early.

Today my next session. Her hand on my back but more in the area of the stomach. This time the hand felt like a plug to prevent something from leaking. The other hand, again, alongside the line. Some minutes past before the pain set in, razor-sharp, like a knife was cutting everything open. The rest of the area seemed to be shuffled all to the right because there suddenly I felt a heavy mountain. An energetic operation was taking place. The sewn tight spot got open, the mountain vanished and it was all over. We talked it through and Annelies had the same experience I had, a razor-sharp knife cutting ……

I know from my own healing work as a shaman that now I have to take good care of the wound. Biking home, no horses. Instead, at an old tree, I saw a branch precisely in the shape of the line of the cave. I already cleaned and colored it. Now its drying in the garden. First photo:

I will finish it today – that is my way of taking care of the wound and to manifest the healing.





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Healing day

A good day to get a healing or a massage – my personal energy for the day. Thank GOD I already had an appointment with Annelies Beschoor Plug . She also work  at Praktijk De Wormer te Hoofddorp as psychosomatic physiotherapist.

The place to be was the heart region.

She felt the plate you see on the painting to the right which was brought in by a shaman to close the big wound you see to the left.

With gentle touch, she went into the energy until she met the blockage. Holding the space with both her hands, my body made the connections to other spots, especially the throat area and the right side of my skull. Holding this position until the pain settled down. There will be a follow-up.

Biking home, I always come across the Old Grain Barn
where nowadays a shop is manifested and workshops can be followed. They also have 2 horses and a pony. Following a hunch, I stopped and went to the fence. The big horse came towards me and we immediately cuddled. Got some affection gnaws – after all I’m a respected member of the horse clan, honored with this when doing constellation work with horses. My tears finally got way and the horse laid her head on my shoulder while I was crying and stroking her. The other, smaller horse paid no attention and the pony stood in the outermost right corner. Happy I bike home after this horse meeting. A big relief.


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Today I, by exception, feather my own ass. Reading the August horoscope overview in dutch  I, again, noticed that when I do something it’s for the future most of the time. As the saying goes: A fish knows without knowing what he knows. Fish is my rising sign.

The dates listed as follows: third square Jupiter/Pluto on August 4, the other two were on November 24, 2016 and March 30, 2017. Looked these two dates up in my blog to see what I did, made or worked towards back then.

November 2016

All I wished for back then is supposed to come in the upcoming time.

March 2017

The tool that helps getting rid of the past and march towards the new future.

The next date mentioned half square Uranus/Neptune on August 11, 2017. An ongoing process sinds June 2016.

June 2016 in its totality

Shows the demolition of the old – that beautiful garden which is demolished – it’s like leaving paradise and the painting of the knight on the white horse – finally the inner marriage male/female but also meeting Mr. Right in real life.
The phoenix is rising from the ashes to change the dragon.

Picture from the cover of the book by Jeanine Hofs

Why this feathering my own ass? Because the past weeks, months actually, when no progress on the outside is made, and I feel as if I do something wrong maybe, this was soothing to the anxious part of me.

Girl I’m on track!


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In Nadia Gilchrist’s horoscopes for July 23rd to July 30th, 2017
Here for Capricorn I found

“However, this isn’t all about you – someone else has a lot at stake. Look back to June 14th, 2015 – the issue that you’re turning a corner on now began back then. The July 23rd New Moon will be involved with this.

I looked up June 2015 in my blog and found it Here

The same for Pisces my ascendant. Could have known already because, in an ongoing conversation with someone on Twitter, this theme came up. The conclusion was, that we both are mirroring our relationship with mother. She even has the same energy as my mother. As a matter of fact, my belly hurts all week increasingly. Thé area in my body mother had the most impact on.



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Look for stagnant energy patterns in your home, especially those connected with ancestral energies embedded in art and furniture that belonged to family members that passed away.

excerpt from the article about the Full Moon of June 9 by Nina Elshoff

Something to think about and I did. When rebuilding the attic in my childhood home which was in the family for 3 generations, most of the stuff especially Grandma collected, went out. Some things like photo’s from the war and after, war medals, money went to a museum in Cologne.During my 9 house movings all the other old stuff went piece by piece, be it because of it went broke or I just left it somewhere. There are only 2 things I kept all those years. The inherited dining services from Villeroy & Boch I only have some pieces left of. When having little children some things fall in action of doing the dishes together. Unfortunately the services are no longer part of collection Villeroy & Boch.






The other thing I still have is this:

Mother’s sieve, back than part of  Krups 3 Mix 3000 kitchen help – almost 50 years old. My mother did not adjust well to and lamented a lot about new electrical things father bought. The sieve survived longer than the rest of the tools, still going strong in serving me in the kitchen. The recently received old photo’s and the family marriage book of my parents do not count I suppose regarding old ancestral energy. Nothing further left from the old days & old energy’s. I let it all go, starting 1977, slowly but steady.



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It’s going on and on – stuff that come my way for closure. Now a book – the tip came from Carin v/d Hem via Twitter. The title: Neptune – the 12th house and Pisces by Maurice Fernandez. The only thing you need is your Natal Chart to see where you have Neptune and in what sign. Further what aspects it has with other planets. nepIf there may be new information you get me going. With my and my children’s natal charts I looked up all houses, signs and aspect. After that I started reading – first mine. What came along was not new in the sense of ‘never ever heard of it – me ? ‘ but, with growing astonishment,  all I have been through during my life, in relationships, with my children and what I learned during my inner journey everything EVERYTHING.

Sickness and relationship quarrels, how I grew up, how I felt back than and more. Absolutely correct in every way and showing the roots. Couldn’t stop reading. After all was read about myself I started with the children. Same experience – exactly how they were, what they have gone through until now, childhood problems, school problems, health, psyche, relationships. One son often exchange with me how he is doing and feeling, sometimes depressed. I send him his Neptune info and for the first time he, who always reject reading and does not love reading, gave me a call about it and told me that this was great and he read it all. I went to bed late and it took quite some time before I fell asleep.

The next day I woke up with a lot of pain from neck down to under the shoulder-blades.Every day this sinks down a bit as if all the old is falling off.  Today I realized what I mastered over the years regarding where I started from. I used to say ‘I moved the Alps ‘and without exaggerating I did. At first it is some shock to read all of it in one piece while I mastered it in 64 years and deep diving since 1994. Now I’m proud that I did, there is compassion with the child I once was and love in my heart. I can let go of it all with a big sigh – finally. The heavy and worst is over and healed.

The book show your innocent paradise-perception meeting real life experience and the fear that arouses. Like Adam and Eve stumbled out of Paradise seeing the real world and themselves for the first time – the naked truth. The book also show the steps out of trouble, your fake tune, wrong perception and fear getting back a more realistic true innocence. Even this ‘ getting back your innocence’ came along years ago in family constellation work.

The inner journey is more adventurous and fascinating than even a jungle journey on foot, better than every movie or book and with a real world happy ending. This happy ending come when you’re taking one step at a time with new found valor, courage, and self-discipline. You start feeling better about yourself and your life, quarrels lessen, your health improve and relationships are changing and more loving and light-footed. Your true calling and new skills are found.

The book came right in time before the eclipse and full moon 10/11 February when we all close a door. The Chandra Symbol for the eclipse:

LEO 22
An alligator swims slowly through a swamp.
Imperious self-command. The self, entirely conscious of its own territorial rights and privileges, exerts a presence, a force. Saturating the atmosphere with one’s love, light, and intensity. Big and bright, deep and formidable. So very purposive that your every breath is conceived to be part of the master plan. Grandiose and inflated, yet into something so essential that it is very difficult to go against. It is the ingrained aura of spiritual authority and cosmic intent, linked with the heights, seeping into the depths. You become so enduring and insistent that others back out of the picture. Graphic demonstration of being here now in your element, doing what you need to do. Sinuous, suggestive, sensuous, and somewhat prone to pushing it a bit. The inner light upheld at the cost of any and all extraneous factors.

I realized that I once painted Neptune – the Nep (fake) tune about our-self.


The end of Hope and the start of the Truth – a painful experience but an enlightening one.





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Down memory lane

Just another normal day I thought when waking up this morning. Life was thinking otherwise.

At 14:00 ‘o clock some heavy stuff arrived by mail.

Saw a German senders address. Recognized the name and city it came from – a long gone story came up to be felt again. Still there the anger about it and how the story went. Neither being able to get nor thought I ever would what now felt into my house.

The story: my Dad remarried one year after mother’s death in 1974 to a woman I never liked but had to go along with to have contact to my father. When father died in 1984 all hell broke loose. We had a fight over the inheritance and all of the important stuff to me. She claimed it was never there, a plain lie, even to my lawyer. Got some money and never ever saw her again. That was precisely what my mother predicted on her death-bed – he will remarry and leave you with nothing.

Years later, I got contact to another member of the Althausen family who was living in the same city. He asked me, if I had the family tree, my father worked on his whole life. He had asked her and she kept saying she would not give it. Same she said to me. Buried that theme too, so did he.

Today arrived the family register with in it the marriage certificate of my parents and my birth certificate and date of christening. I was surprised to see, that I was baptised on New Years Eve 1952, 4 days after my birth, in the chapel of the hospital. They must have thought I will not survive, otherwise I cannot explain the hurry. My birth was a difficult one. Old family photo’s from my parental home and garden in Germany, Dad in the garden, my wedding photo’s, baby photo’s of my oldest children, my dog, a photo of myself in carnival costume when 7 years old, a very old photo of my Dad as little boy, nice photo’s of my Dad before he got ill  and Grandmother from Mother’s side. The one the last healing was all about.oma2

Tears flowing when seeing all this, very emotional. The letter came from her eldest daughter, saying that all this really belong to me she thought. She had found it in her mother’s stuff in 2012 when going to a nursery home. She died last year. She also found my letter asking for the family tree. She apologized that she did not find it.  The package was on its way since 2012.

After all my emotions and the old anger settled, I wrote a letter and posted it, thanking her for this surprising package of memories. In miraculous ways it had to be now that this finally reached me, I suppose, to get closure and peace with it all.





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