Process Painting Closure

The process involving my grandmother and the influence this had in the female family line that started May,7 with the process painting now has come to closure.

In a former life of the soul of my grandmother happened something involving a child she never forgave herself for. That child passed on her hate towards her mother through the female line. Grandmother in this life still had self hate because of what happened back than. Me, as caring and open to energy’s as I am, took place in the energy of that child and carried it. As matter of fact this prevented me from really loving grandmother despite she being kind of a protecting godmother to me. I also, passed on by my mother, carried the self hate, preventing self love and forgiveness. Bitterness also developed. Had to do a family constellation to give all of it back through the line and I did, creating a barrier towards the old energy’s. Now I, finally, only have my own energy field left.

The process of the painting? To my biggest surprise the painting isn’t, as I thought, about grandmother – it is me. The message came through  my coach Ria Winterman
“There is something you did not see and it is that middle you worked on….in the beginning it is more outgoing, first not rotating at all, then the movement,and in the latter changes you worked back inside and closed with the walnut.Your own process. Back towards you as you are.” Indeed I didn’t see that.

This brings us to the painting made June, 9th
What was made for a Sunday drawing challenge in fact is connected to the process painting. Also the tool I had made ages ago and no idea what fore. The blue painting is the elaboration of what’s behind the walnut in the process painting. I’m very fond of both paintings and they will be framed as soon as possible and the tool somehow with them on the wall. So far what was going on Monday 3rd with the full moon.

Along this 3 month process I happened to get a newsletter of Irida webshop offering Brazilian Rhinestone . One immediately had my attention and I ordered it. Yesterday it arrived and after a long sea salt bath in the full moon it now enliven my altar. To me it look like a man and a woman are hugging. The assignment to do: who I am now and putting that in writing….

 Photo by Hendrik J.J. Meijer

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Liquidambar orientalis

A few days ago I learned, that the trees in our courtyard are Amber trees, Liquidambar orientalis, and I take care of one of them.  information about the healing quality’s in dutch

The healing power of the tree cares for the lungs and the Medicinal Incense Amber has a stimulating effect on the spleen, liver, kidneys, thyroid and heart. The active ingredient is also available as an info about the essential oil in dutch

This morning I suddenly noticed, that the amber tree seed balls resembles COVID19 .  COVID19 attack the lungs but also the heart, blood circulation and more and COVID19 came, to bring us back to love with ourselves, our own rhythm and Mother Nature.  The same things the tree can help you with. What makes you sick is also the cure as of now research is going on which shows that bats carry something that give them the ability to survive deadly sicknesses.

And a friend of mine yesterday came with another down to earth knowledge: with the leaves of the tree you can shine your shoes.

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High heart

Friday, June 5, with the Full Moon,I had signed up for the  Full Moon Webinar with M. v/d Knaap  
Besides some heavy irritation at the beginning, the actual reality within made itself known. Saturday was a day to reboot and process. Sunday there was the usual #ichgebeauf drawing challenge by @kriegundfreitag. This time: let your subconsciousness draw or paint without thinking. I always paint this way when an energy-painting will be made. So no big deal I thought.
Started with blue acrylic paint and let my hands do. Poured water over the canvas, covered with tin foil and let my hands do whatever moves they wanted. The base of the painting. Proceeded with water colors. The middle is made by glue.

A friend of mine saw it and made the connection to a tool I have since forever. Both, the painting and the tool, connect to the high heart mentioned during the webinar. The painting shows the new world in progress – the high heart knows the way.

My son also was fascinated – looks like a map he said and lots of water. He took the photos of both.

 

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Animal Totem drawing day

Yesterday had a lot of drawing challenges. 1: @StudioTeaBreak ‘s Monday #MythicalMashup with DRAGON + TOWER, 2: @AnimalAlphabets #MythicalAlphabet animal for J – Jasconius and we had World Tapir Day. Started with the Jasconius because I felt most attracted to this myth and of course as a turtle.

Jasconius – a fabled sea creature, variously described as a large whale or vast sea turtle with huge spines on the ridge of its back. It is always described as being huge where it is often mistaken for an island and appears to be rocky with crevices and valleys with trees and greenery and having sand dunes all over it.

Turtle – Symbol of the world, of the Earth, Ability to stay grounded, even in moments of disturbances and chaos, slowing down, pacing yourself, determination, persistence, emotional strength and understanding and ancient wisdom

And okay, because my Chinese sign is Dragon – lets draw that dragon having a good time resting on the balcony of a tower.

The Tapir was the last to draw. First I had no intention to do so. But Tapir as an animal totem has much to offer. Didn’t know that one of it’s totem powers is awaken to your magical power. Suits my current inner development so let’s do it. I intuitively drew the tapir with a red vest. The magicians colors are black/red. So now I know why.

Tapir’s wisdom include: toughness, understanding shyness, longevity, connection to the horse and rhinoceros, gentleness, ability to remain unchanged by time, magic.

I use what comes my way as a sign or metaphor, so it was a busy day yesterday.

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The fish

More then a week has passed by without knowing how to make the fish I talked about in my previous blog. Wednesday, January 22, I had an idea for the fin. I covered the roots with transparent foil and glued it together. Scrubbed pastels in blue and white over the fin which stayed due to the glue. To press it tightly together, I used a framed canvas. To my surprise I got a wonderful print.

Wednesday evening I finally got rid of the little long branches that bothered me. Thursday finally the inspiration hit and I started working on the fish.

Today, Saturday 25, the final touches and here is the fish.

This photo placed on a water blue background. Next is the ‘head’ of the fish.

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conclusions

Let’s start with the paintings of  New Years Eve Rorschachtest   and    January 1st Rorschachtest

Except the dancing, which is true, there is the holy matrimony of inner woman and man. Also right in the middle, there is the spine. Left and right, down and above, everything comes together as it is supposed to be within. The January 1st color jamming shows something more in-depth and tells about layers. The comment made by @kritzelich is right, concerning the chicken. Concerning the owl, its not but a fish.Here the symbolism of both.

When the chicken spirit crosses your path, know that it brings good luck and prosperity, indicates overall good health for you and your loved ones. The chicken totem is your potent protector when it comes to negative energies that threaten to enter your world

Fish
When fish spirit comes into your life, it gives you a very powerful connection with the Water element.
This is the element of mystery and creativity. The fish spirit animal plays an important role in your subconscious. It helps you to make powerful decisions that affect your waking life in a very positive way.
The world below carries a lot of mystery. The fish spirit guide helps you to dig beneath the surface to conceal knowledge that is usually not seen.
For you, the fish is a symbol of what’s obscure on your life. These things prevail in most of your activities.
The fish spirit water enhances your level of fertility and femininity. Also, it enables you to enjoy prosperity and good luck.

The symbolism connected to my inner reality means that the chicken was set as disguise and protection for the spiritual fish until the fish is strong enough to come to the fore. He is looking in the mirror and sees the chicken he is not.Also suiting the chicken spirit connection to the bunch of fears I had when really young and my victim mentality because chicken were seen as holy and used as offer to the gods.It is time now to let go of the chicken (shit) shield and come to terms with the fish, my real me. I have to make a fish tool. The branches I happened to find as usual right in time.

Now we come to the drawing and painting you can see in Saturn-Pluto-Conjunction
Lets start with the symbolism of the penguin and the whale.

Whale  is the symbol of good luck. It symbolizes limitless creativity that will make all your biggest dreams possible.  The whale represents your intuition and awareness that guide you to make the best decisions. The whale is commonly associated with emotion, inner truth, and creativity.
Physical and emotional healing
Keeper of history
Importance of family and community
Emotional rebirth
Peaceful strength
Communication

Penguin’s symbolism The period of darkness that you’ve been experiencing is now ending. There is light at the end of this tunnel!
Penguin is reminding you that although things may seem chaotic right now, there is a definite order in this chaos. Thus it is important to realize that by continually moving forward with your plans and dreams and handling each small piece as it comes up. The most chaotic time always is just before a big breakthrough happens. Just keep flexible and remain centered within yourself so that you can keep moving forward. Believe that you have a good connection between the physical and the spiritual ( painting of New Years Eve) and that you will naturally know what to do next.

As I already assumed, the swollen leg of the penguin is connected to my inner, and unfortunately also outer, reality. My left ankle….the lower leg. There some old fears around the talents of the fish are hiding as well as anger for what could have been but was not, some guilt trip over old faults despite knowing that everybody makes faults during the growing up learning of life route. What has the whale got to do with this? He is not flying by, looking depressed or angry. No, he cannot swim further because there is no doorway yet for the emotional rebirth. This symbolism suites the actual supporting energy’s – we are all on our way through the door to our new us, our new life but don’t find the path yet. That’s how I actually feel, besides a little bit disgruntled.

The grande finale therefore is the painting of the shedding dragon – liberation and freedom.

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January, 1st Rorschachtest

The first morning of the New Year I messed up colors again to see if there could be new insights to gain.

Two people answered to this one and the predictions are nice.

@kritzelich
A chicken look in the mirror.
Time for reflection and self-awareness.
And if “chicken” is too stupid for you – it could also be an owl

@muschelrauschen
A coati that wallows comfortably in the dirt … Phew … it took me a long time to recognize something. And what does that mean now?

Coati:
Looking after others, being generous with your time and space, foraging, finding wisdom in unexpected places, being highly adaptable, sniffing out the truth, accepting the imposing presence of others, integration and assimilation, physical play.

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New Years Eve Rorschachtest

@kritzelich on Twitter came with the idea @rot_grad had last year to mess around with colors like the Rorschachtest. Then let others predict your future in 2020. Great idea so why wait until December 31? Messed around 3 colors and covered it with another paper with in mind what will 2020 may be like. Great fun to do so try it yourself. Here are the two outcomes.

Some of my followers on Twitter react, read their replies

@kritzelich
A woman runs to the left, distorted by motion blur: your year will be very dynamic!

@kritzelfazke
I see a scorpion in it … You have to be careful if you want to mess with him, he knows how to defend himself and has a hard shell that protects him from the hardship of the world.

@ohmadmary
Hmm, I see dancing people, movement and a kiss.
Maybe you will dance in Africa next year?

@BillyRueBean
People dance in circles, holding hands. Kind of folkloric. Didn’t read @ohmadmary ‘s sight until I looked at it (I swear!)

@moorfrau I see a wildebeest but don’t know what it has to do with you.

@_Bella__Donna
I see an obese dragonfly. You will take off and float around elegantly, even if there are things that want to make it difficult for you.

Looked up the meaning of Gnu animal totem: You are facing a great decision about moving. You are needing the strength of family and groups of people. Senses are enhanced. You need to follow your hunches. Pace of life will be speedy.

Woke up this morning with the order in my head “draw a Wildebeest” and I did. Maybe drawing one will give the forecast more energy.

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Black Bird

The day, @kreafavo launched again one of her drawing challenges from her #glasvollideen (bowl of ideas) the person, I took care of for two months, peacefully died that very same morning. In the last two days and nights before he died, he opened a new door for me through which I went astonished and did what had to be done there.  I had no time, head or heart to draw that day and the days after. The challenge could not have been more appropriate. When black bird appears something new enter your life. The challenge came up on Twitter and almost simultaneously the phone rang. See the meaning of black bird.

The power animal Black Bird shows us all the possibilities that lie ahead of us and gives us the courage to tackle new projects, new ideas or projects. Sometimes under this influence it is necessary to renounce certain habits or let go of people.

Today the Black Bird had to be done to process it all – to free my inner horse from it all – my body has a hard time. Maybe, doing the drawing and the writing will help to let everything flow…. After the funeral the future is calling again with grief as background for some time.

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Mouse

It all started with the idea of @artbypunktraum to give some of her paintings for Christmas – tell me what you would like. But @AnaOrid3 said that an exchange would be more fun. So I asked her what she would like to have and she wanted one of my dog paintings. Asking me what I would like to have.

I was named after Saint Gertrud with mouse so I said, draw me a mouse. And she did. A wonderful, well feed field vole. Happy me \O/ 

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