New root

After a long zone of nothing and still being busy with the legs …. Sunday I found a root when cycling home.

When I find a new branch or root, I know that new movement is around the corner. This time the movement was coming fast because of a conversation with my doctor. Will tell more about it next week because of more conversations to come with different doctors around diagnoses….over a span of 1 painful year.

In the meantime I started working on the root and yesterday finished it.Took some sanding and removing of the bark.



The night that was…. very restless, not able to sleep. So I started painting at midnight. An Ostrich. As in real life, the same problem zone, the legs. 😦  Still working on mine.

The meaning of ostrich:

Sort out what is no longer useful to you and let it go. Feelings that no longer serve you should also be released.It’s time to use your spiritual knowledge and apply it to your everyday practical life. Make sure that when you do this that you also take the time to fully understand this knowledge before using it.Qualities:
Speed, strength, the qualities of one’s own heart, wisdom and alertness, clear boundaries, truth and justice, insight into the earthly and cosmic laws of truth and just judgment


Had a lot of fun painting a porcupine after I had seen a great photo of one. After a long time I used water-color on this one.

Animal Totem Porcupine is a fantastic guide in times of grief. Their energy is incredibly wonder-filled and childlike and can augur a sense of joy, playfulness – and even curiosity that can un-wedge us out of grief. It is time to free yourself from guilt and shame. In doing this, you can reclaim the innocence that you left behind as a child. To do this, you must open your heart to those things that gave you joy as a child.



Yesterday afternoon the inspiration to paint. After a short meditation I choose to use the sentence that give one roots: I am <your full birth name> born on <date> at <birthtime>

Started painting, choosing the colors with eyes closed and painted. Everything is done with eyes closed – this way the soul can take over to show what needs to be shown. When no more colors or moves to be made the painting was finished.

I saw the rest colors on the plate. Took a new paper and put it on the plate, pressed it down and made a turn with it. Another painting was born.

When seeing what came out I had to put the two together. It’s like me and him….

After all was done I draw cards – one for the inner child and one for the grown-up….amazing.


Yesterday I asked astrologer Carin van der Hem if I was right that Jupiter now is in my 8th house. This is the case.

After our conversation I found the timeline of Jupiter in Sagittarius. Also all symbols and history of Jupiter. Here the surprise was great. The symbols are: Eagles, Acorns and Oak trees and from Oak tree wood ships were made back in time.

Six years ago I planted 2 acorns which grew into Oak trees. Two weeks ago they got bigger pots and new soil. This summer one of them had the first acorns. The little hats they have I implemented in a new tool.

Two days ago I painted an Eagle….

Jupiter itself – I made a tool of which is part of the unconditional wealth assemblage.

No crap

We all know that the newspaper horoscopes are crap. For real insight you need the reading of your natal chart by a studied astrologer. Nevertheless, people most of the time, make fun about astrology.

I found astrology very insight giving. After 66 years alive and diving deep into me and my path for almost 30 years, I can say that personal astrology readings are a treasure. There are various methods and different things to study. I have three different natal chart readings by three different astrologers gained over the years – building more insight after one another. Everything builds on another layer. There was the information about the Hades Moon by Judy Hall, the insights around Neptune in your chart by Maurice Fernandez, Astrology for the soul, Astrology of success, Cosmic Love and Spiritual Astrology, all by Jan Spiller. The latter was very insightful with really new information, even about my parents mission in this life.

After all this information I came across an article about the astrological midpoints which you can calculate and look for their meaning. They opened a new layer of understanding what had happened so far and what I truly was supposed to do. The insight gained evolved around something I’m still busy to develop.

Followed by an article about retrograde asteroids in your natal chart as determining factors of occupation, problems and place to live. This was explained by the chart of Kavanaugh. What was said matched exactly with what I found with numerology but more in-depth. Of course my curiosity won and I looked up my asteroids. None retrograde but nevertheless ringing with fundamental truth. Most of the information was already lived through. One asteroid was a really nasty one: NESSUS, also called THE BEAST. When reading what he stands for, my truly nasty years with lots of hurdles, chaos and tears finally made sense. Also my struggle to uncover and release ancestral inheritance related abusive family patterns and deep patterns of helplessness, being taken advantage of, oppressed or made the scapegoat.

I really lived the beast and it wasn’t easy at all. Even a painting I made years later has new meaning now.

So I can tell that all what I found so far is true and worth studying. how to find your natal asteroids

And along came this sentence: Natal Planets Retrograde: These indicate issues carried over from past lives that are being worked on again in this lifetime – look them up.

Two days ago this popped up while searching for something completely different:

Planets in aspect with the Ascendant dispatch their working immediately outside.

Let’s have a look at that! I have Moon (sextile), Saturn, Pluto and Neptune( all 3 inconjunct) in aspect to my ascendant. A lot info came to front. Also most already worked through in life. Why bother? Because this information resulted in an understanding and therefore opened up a door to forgiveness.

Especially the information around the Pluto inconjunct which, among other, said:

Being raised by much older, wiser people. Spending a lot of time with grandparents and elders as a child. The controlling influence of family members. Being the object of a power struggle among family members: Grandma v. Mom, Mother-in-law v. mother-in-law, Mother-in-law v. daughter-in-law. People with this placement often have lived with a grandmother in the family and often established a stronger bond with her than other family members – and this in a culture where the extended family is increasingly a thing of the past. Being aware of death in the environment from a young age. Initiating states of change. Feeling like you’re waiting for permission to live your life.

I lived with my parents and grandmother mothers side. Constant arguing between my mom and grandmother, between both woman and my father. All controlling everything, me and each other. Grandmother and her friends were somehow a safe heaven later on. The mother in law thing – oh joy – death – really present, granny fathers side died, then his brother, an uncle I loved very much, my parents and grandmother mothers side. Friends who committed suicide – tried it myself once – something belonging to me I learned from the Neptune book.

Astrology is no fuss, crap or nonsense – it really give you insight in yourself. All I discovered with astrology over the years was worthwhile. The info came in over the years, not all at once. Your life-path unfold in layers and circles and so come the suiting information. Everything is precisely right at any given point in your life – no blame of parents, circumstances, environment – you and your supposed learning curve and your Soul need what is given and your reaction determine the outcome. Reacting from the old you, from your old outworn patterns bring forth chaos, mayhem and disaster. When you have enough and after years of blaming all and everything for your misery, you start looking, reading and listening. The right teachers are always around just in time.

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